Heron vs Koi Carp
A mate of mine's father is a very proud owner of a well stocked and very ornate Koi pond. About ten years ago, he'd spent several weekends digging the pond by hand and shovel, with painstaking attention being paid to the decrotative shrubberies and plants before the fish were introduced.

The pond was situated at the end of a long garden, surrounded by a rockery at the back and two tall hedges at the front, to provide some shade for the fish. The end result was impressive to say the least, a peaceful setting to watch the Koi carp swimming around doing whatever it is Koi carp do when they're hanging out with their closest drinking buddies.

However, over the preceeding weeks one or two koi had gone AWOL. The suspects were the family's well fed and rather rotund cat, otr something more sinister entirely.

The answer came one Saturday afternoon as mate's dad was behind the hedge digging the flower beds. He heard the gentle flapping of wings and instantly knew who the culprit was.

A passing heron had seen it's opportunity, noting the long garden and glimpse of the pond behind the hedgerows. It landed a few feet away from the pond and walked toward it as herons do to avoid panicking the fish. Slowly, it began to stalk it's quarry as it strode past the hedge...

*snatch*

It hadn't bargained on the irate pond owner who took the opportunity to grab said heron by the neck. My mate's dad works for the Environment Agency and knows full well that Herons are a protected species.

Holding the unlucky bird by the neck, he turned it's head toward him and looked the terrified creature in the eye.

"I can't kill you. But I can sure as hell put the fear of god into you"

Clearly Mr Heron's luck had run out. Instead of a very expensive meal, he was held firmly by the neck, shaken and kicked up the arse a few times before he was allowed to fly off.

The fish were never disturbed again.

[top tip - pond owners should stake some fishing line or wire around their ponds at roughly six inches about the ground. Herons haven't figured out how to negotiate this barrier as they stalk their prey once on the ground]
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 11 Dec 2007, 12:02, 4 replies)

Excellent tip!
I lost some fish from my little pond the same way! It never would have occurred to me to put up trip wires...

I may do that and rig them up to trigger a spray from the hose or something. That would also keep away cats...

*goes away to design circuits with solenoid valves*
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 11 Dec 2007, 12:36, closed)

My blood ran cold for a second there...
When you mentioned trip wires I had visions of claymore mines being used to keep cats away!

Trip wire actuated hose sounds like an excellent idea, humane and very amusing as a spectator sport.

Get that patent application in!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 11 Dec 2007, 12:40, closed)

Another top tip
Never lend your rather nice air rifle to a Koi loving pond owner so that he can sort out the "squirrel infestation".

Then you won't read in the local press about the wounded heron plummeting out of the air and being found to have a pellet embedded in it's fish-napping arse.

Coincidence? Dunno, but I never went back for the rifle...
(osok Rebel without a clue, Tue 11 Dec 2007, 13:31, closed)

As a spectator sport
few things beat putting a pole for a birdfeeder out in some water and applying a thick coating of vaseline to it. The squirrels go to jump onto the pole, spin around a little and end up taking an unexpected bath.

(Another top tip: get some 4" aluminum duct- the sort they use for kitchen vents and the like, not the corrugated flexible stuff- and put it around the pole for your birdfeeder. The squirrels can't climb it.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 11 Dec 2007, 13:44, closed)