Captain Sickie
One of me work colleagues has had more sick than the local hospital. It most prob helps that he looks like the "Scream" painting, but with a bigger forehead.

He's come up with lots of magical ways of torturing the bosses here, which range from;

Having his own desk, and own giant blue office chair (for spinal injuries past).

Complaining about lighting conditions, and getting specialised equipment for him only.

Having an "Electrolysis Kit" for apparent nerve damage in his hands, which I saw him use once. He had this strap of metal around his hand and his fingers were twitching. "I'm on Stage 2 Electrolysis" he says, while I piss myself laughing.

He walked up the steps coming into the building, and tripped onto the 2nd step, where he landed on his knees. Not really fast, but enough to make the manager who was standing behind him snigger. 5 mins later he walks up to her claiming that he's jarred his back, and needed to be removed via ambulance. I swear the ambulance drivers know his name.

His family members have all died twice. Funnily enough only on Fridays too.

1 other thing to note; one guy here has never had a sickday in his entire 6 years of working here. He was sent an email stating every way to get out of work (which included best excuses etc), to which he forwarded to management and the Mekon still didn't get fired. The guys a spawny cunt.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 9 Jun 2006, 9:41, Reply)