Re: Colin the Temp



Ours was Simon.


He was obsessed with the receptionist and, despite her being attached to and living with her longtime boyfriend, pestered her every day with offers of a date.

He once called me out for a fight as my friendly banter with her was construed as "Poaching his girl". He used to follow other female staff members home and then watch the house for hours at a stretch from across the street. Unfortunately, in those "Stalking? What's that then?" days, the cops had him marked down as 'Mostly Harmless' so nothing was ever done.

His obsession with women led him to be often seen wandering the building, clad in his trademark ski pants, with a 'semi' on display at all times. He was utterly unable to use a computer despite having a computer degree and would spend his days either stalking the female colleagues as they worked or else letching at clients in the lobby from his favourite vantage point on the main stairs.

His pet hobby was conspiracy theories and, in those pre-internet days, had a library of cheapo paperbacks catering to every nutjob fantasy there was. He'd convinced himself that he was the holder of all forbidden knowledge and that 'They' were monitoring him. He refused to have his photo taken under any circumstances because of this and would take great lengths to avoid appearing on CCTV and the like. To avoid the camera at the entrance to work, he'd knock on the staffroom window so that he could be let in via the fire exit and would leave work the same way.

He shared a tenement flat with his dad who was a racist, misogynist of a drunkard who imparted pearls of wisdom such as "All women are whores - especially your (long separated) mother" while watching hardcore porno movies and not caring who saw him doing so. I had the misfortune to go round there once - the place reeked of stale booze, stale smoke, damp and rancid grease.

He left work one day and never came back. His dad disappeared too and nobody ever heard from them again - all we had to go on was something Simon said about them going to London to visit his other brother and that was it. So, if you're a female and living in London - big bloke, built like a brick shithouse with straight black hair, pasty complexion, distracted smile and Buddy Holly specs - run!
(Fanta Menace Is tall enough to see over the fence, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 13:44, 1 reply)

I feel queasy just reading that
clicky
(Siouxfan I'm not staring at you, I am just short sighted, Thu 24 Jan 2008, 14:01, closed)