Blood Sugar Sex Magik
(No, this has nothing to do with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I just like that title.)

I haven't read all of the entries yet, but I would assume that someone somewhere has already made reference to extremely messy sex? If so, add me to the list.

A few years ago I was in a relationship with a woman who get incredibly horny during her menstrual cycle. Apparently this is fairly common, but most women don't like the mess any more than we do, so when the painters are in she's up on blocks, as they say.

Not this one.

I arrived at her flat one night for our usual dinner-movie-shag, and she informed me of her condition. All well and good- I was fine with just dinner and a movie, followed by sleep- but she was most insistent. Throughout the movie her hands traveled my body, and finally we had to stop the movie as we had both lost the plotline.

We went to her bed and she practically tore both our clothes off, save for her thong. She was absolutely ravenous as her lips crushed mine, followed by her working her way down my body to ensure that there was no question of me stopping. She excused herself for a moment and went to the loo, then returned, climbed on top of me and ground with a ferocity I had never encountered in her before. I could feel hot wetness from my belly to my thighs as she rode me, until finally I couldn't hold back any longer. She let out a wail that must have scared the cat, then collapsed next to me and lay gasping.

All was right with the world.

Just one little problem. When blood dries, as we all know, it forms brittle flakes. When blood dries on flesh, it itches. When blood dries on your nadgers, it REALLY itches.

And I most definitely did not want to reach down and scratch.

I kissed her and started to get up. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"I need to clean up, luv. Won't be but a minute."

"Right. Well, just don't look down."

Good advice, that.

I carefully made my way to the shower and turned the tap. As I did so, all I could think of was an old joke: how is getting a blow job from Maggie Thatcher like walking a tightrope?

See her advice above.
(Shimrod, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 17:24, 1 reply)

Holds hand up!
I've said this before and I'll say it again but there's something satisfying about a guy getting up off you and looking like he's been in road traffic accident.
( girlinthehole, Fri 8 Aug 2008, 20:16, closed)