Despite the general rule of thumb (WHOA PUNNAGE)
Never take people back to your house for a party after the nightclubs ended.

Well I broke the rules and took a whole host of people back. In fact such was the fun and frolics that we decided to drink even more cheap Glenns Vodka stolen from my parents!! Yay!

Either we didn't have any mixers (unlikely) or we were collectively retarded (almost certain) but it was decided that we would use Colemans mustard as a mixer for our Vodka shooting.

I only had a fresh jar and fans of Colemans mustard will know, new jars of the hot yellow paste have a thin sheet of tamper proof plastic sealing the lid. I know Mr Coleman must have designed this to stop idiot drunken 21 year old party animals using the condiment with alcohol, and for the best part it had worked. I couldn't get the fucking thing off with teeth, finger nails and nor could my drinking buddies. Mr Coleman didn't count on my drunken ingenuity.

Pulling a fork out of the drawer I started attacking the tight seal. Everyone knows forks slide straight off slippery surfaces and so it did. In fact it slid off the surface, with reasonable force and lodged itself from the base of my left thumb (entry wound), through the fleshy part of my thumb and exiting through the very top, just to the left of my thumbnail.

Interestingly, I couldn't feel a thing although most of the room were quite shocked and appalled. There was blood everywhere and due to the lack of pain I ran around shaking it at people looking all hardcore. Why didn't anyone take a picture on the camera phone? Jealousy I assume.

So jealous was my friend John of my extreme-ness he ripped the fork out himself and I pretended it was agony. IM SO AHRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 21:01, 7 replies)

i did this
because i was chatting up some skinny little blonde thing in some shitty club in Watford. I said do you want to come back to mine, and she said 'only if i can bring my friends'. I agreed and was too pissed to notice that her friends appeared to be most of a "traveller community". ie, and i'm sorry for the expression, but a bunch of pikeys.

About 20 people descended on my flat, my housemate was woken - and furious - and in 5 minutes they basically relocated everything. It looked like I had moved out. I had momentarily passed out on the kitchen table and when i woke up the skinny blonde was leaving down the stairs at the back of the quickly retreating pack.

Did I say "can i call you?". Did I write my mobile number on a scrap of paper and ACTUALLY PUT IT IN HER POCKET?

Yes. Yes I did. It took me about half an hour to figure out that they had emptied the house (they took the fucking CHEESE for chrissakes) so I went to bed.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 21:41, closed)

lol
Sympathy 4 u
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 22:14, closed)

So mustard and vodka?
How is it? I tried it with chocolate syrup once, having no mixers and being way too much of a lightweight to have straight shots. Don't try it. Just don't. Mustard sounds a little better, like if you added a bit of chicken it would make a meal.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Mon 11 Aug 2008, 22:47, closed)

I had
50/50 vodka and worcestershire sauce shots once. All I can say is they taste quite nice... for about four seconds. And you'll be tasting worcestershire sauce for about a week after. I swear I sweated the damn stuff.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 8:31, closed)

Mustard & Vodka
The mustard actually does a great job of covering up the Vodka. However the taste of (lots of) pure unadulterated mustard is probably worse than just taking the voddy straight...

And it also doesn't come out the glass properly...

Suppose it beats the time I was a student and had to take Vodka & Milk as the only other mixer in the house was tap water...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 9:55, closed)

have you tried
mixing ketchup with water and adding to vodka for student style bloody mary?

don't
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 10:24, closed)

lol
Funnily enough no....

Although again reminds me of the time we mixed dry Nescafe beans with Vodka.

Again very unpleasant.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 12 Aug 2008, 15:13, closed)