Bodged Self First Aid
For the last 12 months and 27 days I have had a scar on my forehead from my last night as a drinking man.

Sober, I would never have walked into the wall light in the first place.

Sober, I would never have thought that a five inch gouge from above where my hairline would be if I had one to just above my right eybrow could be fixed by pressing a few folded up pages of The Sun against it and using a necktie to hold them in place.

Sober, I would never have woken up in a blood soaked pillow wondering why I couldn't open my right eye.

Sober, I would never have been standing over the sink, having ungunked my stuck together eye, making the bleed start all over again by pulling bits of Kaylee, 19, Essexes boobs out of my cut before thinking 'I should get that stitched really' and then falling asleep on the settee for the rest of the day and having to repeat the process before I could go to bed that evening.


To be fair, I am kinda pleased with how things turned out. The scar could be a lot worse, but it's visible enough to, among the many emotional reminders I have, give me a very visual reminder as to why I didn't drink yesterday and don't plan to drink today.



You know, that should have been funnier...I spent a morning and an evening picking bits of page three out of my head...it must be the writing that has let me down.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 12:42, 5 replies)

You read the Sun
you deserve everything you get, up to and including eyebrow cancer
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 13:18, closed)

Erm,....
Where does it say he read the sun? It might have belonged to someone else.
( industrial_bunny, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 13:47, closed)

Knowing a Sun reader is enough.

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 10 Mar 2011, 15:13, closed)

Uh...
It may of belonged to someone he didn't know?
( industrial_bunny, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:25, closed)

Duh! The Sun gives you cancer!
As a reader of a REPUTABLE newspaper (The Mail, of course) I can say this with some authority
( kappynitty doubled your entendre on, Thu 10 Mar 2011, 16:39, closed)