I was forced by my parents to attend a private school
For the 4 years of lower school, I was systematically victimised by Ffoulkes-Ballard and Shuttleworth Major.
I had to do their latin prep before high tea or they'd burn my pyjamas and make me endure the horrible ritual that was 'Dutch Steamboating'.

One summer night after evening prayers in Big Hall, they ambushed me on the quad and tied my underpants to the school cormorant, leaving me 'tackle out' for the boys of Hawtrey House to throw eggs at my tallywhacker.

I got my revenge though. At the end of Michaelmas term in our first year at Upper School, I bludgeoned Ffoulkes-Ballard unconscious with a stale haddock I stole from the tuck shop with such ferociousness that the assault left him with a permanent priapism and the inate inability to hear anything over 100KHz.
(LunarJim, Wed 13 May 2009, 20:49, 4 replies)

I'm intrigued by this "Dutch Steamboating"

(Seance Trumpet has got no beef with a man enjoying a croissant, Wed 13 May 2009, 21:00, closed)

You too?
Blimey.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 May 2009, 22:21, closed)

Actually...
That'd be ffoulkes-Ballard, the ff is from their ancestors being unable to read and transcribing a stylised capital S (might be an F, i dont recall) as 2 lowercase f's, but it means that, despite being a proper name, its not capitalised.

Yes, i do watch QI too much.
( Tedium Alduce me to interlow myself., Wed 13 May 2009, 23:18, closed)

Love this one
as in the post not the thought of being buggered by a stale haddock

#clicks#
(mon bison powered by magnets, Thu 14 May 2009, 13:03, closed)