Sonia
Sonia is my baby sister's lifelong BFF, for reasons no-one quite understands. She's four foot something, roughly spherical and has led a more exciting life than that of Heather Mills. Apparently. Her tales of interest include:

Will Young is her cousin. So is Shakira.
She has anorexia and never, ever eats. (Like I said: spherical.)
She's had an abortion (I first heard this one when she was 12 and, when pressed, couldn't actually explain what an abortion was).
She has IBS, knee cancer, ME and has, at various points in her life, been allergic to everything.
One of her friends was in this, like, violent relationship, with this violent dude? And at some point the dude was violencing her (the friend, not Sonia) in front of Sonia, and so Sonia (again I say: four foot something) LITERALLY LEAPT to her defence, got between the friend and the dude and expostulated: "you touch my friend again and I will KILL you!" (For the full effect, imagine this with excess pointing and that sassy head-wiggle thing some girls do, which is how it was demonstrated to me.) And the violent dude ran away, crying (violently), never to be seen again.
Last year she won a Pretty Girls contest hosted by the popular teen beat combo Bullet For My Valentine, where the prize is free VIP tickets and backstage access to the band. It is unclear at this stage whether the popular teen beat combo Bullet For My Valentine are aware of this.
(Shinigami, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 13:28, 7 replies)

I love the idea of knee cancer.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 16:04, closed)

it's always the short-arses.
I have a 4 foot friend, and he spouts more shit than an industrial strength muck spreader
( Damocles wants no part of your debauchery, Sat 15 Jan 2011, 18:22, closed)

BFF
=Big Fat Friend.

Cock blockers, the lot of them.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Sat 15 Jan 2011, 19:53, closed)

You need a non-discriminating friend to help you out.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 17 Jan 2011, 10:37, closed)

I know that he's no looker and he's had a couple rounds.

(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Mon 17 Jan 2011, 21:01, closed)

But with every shot of Whisky, hey you lose a coupla pounds.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Jan 2011, 11:00, closed)

Some of this might have happened...
"We're holding a 'Prettiest Girl' competition! Come on girls, who's the prettiest? Winners get to come backstage and suck off an emo!

Loser gets the drummer!"
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Sun 16 Jan 2011, 13:32, closed)