People coming to the door
and when I point out the "No hawkers, salesman, religious groups etc" sticker in the window that they blatantly ignored, they say

Caller: "Well I'm not a salesman, hawker or part of a religious group, heh heh"
Me: "No, you're part of the etc. Now go away."

However, I once answered the door in my dressing gown (as I'd just got out of the bath).

Bloke: "Hi, I'm from nPower or something, how are you today?"

The bastard, it was cold in the hallway and he was letting all my heat escape so I answered
"Pretty horny at the moment. You've just dragged me away from three 19 year olds who are currently fighting over who can suck my cock the best, the winner getting a facial. Now go away"

Bloke: "Err," he leaned a bit to try and see past me but then I told him to go away and I shut the door, pulling the curtain across for added effect.

I then skulked into the kitchen to see what he did and he didn't leave the garden for a good 30 seconds as he looked to see if there was a gap in the curtain before stepping back to look at the bedroom windows, finally texting someone and pissing off.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 11:47, 3 replies)

I accidently discovered another (rather less exciting) useful ruse.
The doorbell rang one Sunday morning whilst I was shaving*. On seeing my lathered up face the religious types apologised for disturbing me and left. So always keep a tin of shaving foam by the door. It probably works even better if you're female.

*Yes I should have ignored it but it just seems so rude. Some years later I've only just mastered letting the phone go on to the answer machine if it rings at an inconvenient time.
(Cave Duck, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:13, closed)

If you're female
you wouldn't be lathering your face though.

Mind you, I suppose a girl answering the door with a freshly lathered fanny would cause a bit of an awkward moment!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 20:30, closed)

annoying people at the door
Had this recently with a couple of roving bands of religious types, one bastard even got me out the shower after the 3rd disturbance I thought retaliate now, so do what I did leave the bastard on the doorstep go get a notebook and pen then ask them to write down name and address, if they ask just say well I need to know where you live and want to see how you react when some cunt gets you out of the shower, works like a dream.
(raith50, Tue 13 Apr 2010, 12:17, closed)