Johnny Nozzle
Not my story, but I've got to share it.

Johnny Nozzle (so named for his 2-inch foreskin, but that's a story of a different stroke - so to speak) and his two mates were off their tits on 'shrooms in John's flat in Southampton in the late 80's. They got the munchies, but didn't have any money. So they elected to rob the corner store downstairs (where John the Noz had been shopping since he was six). John wore a WW2 gas mask as a disguise, while his mates pulled socks (not stockings, socks) over their faces. Then the three of them stumbled downstairs and menaced Mr. Shah with a broken harpoon gun. Mr. Shah called the police as they fled with their £10 and three bags of Walkers crisps.

While attempting to make their getaway on John's Puch Maxi (a wheezy 50cc moped, Merkins), the three of them were apprehended after a very brief chase. I should point out that John was still wearing the gas mask - along with his 12-inch orange mohawk and leopardskin-print jacket and jeans. His mates were also "distinctively" dressed, and were still wearing the socks over their heads/faces. The cops were all laughing so hard that they had trouble cuffing them.
(lustfish, Sat 5 Jun 2010, 0:22, Reply)