Practically everything
Ikea - what the fuck? I went to Ikea once as I was contractually obliged to do so. While I was queueing up for the third or fourth time in the process of buying just one fucking chair, there was a screen showing the adventures of Mr. Bean. That was the least irritating part of the whole experience. I know they sell cheap furniture, but shopping there is the most dehumanising experience I've ever encountered and yet some people do it for pleasure. My ex was always like, "Come to Ikea with me this weekend, it'll be fun! You can get a beer and a hotdog there!" Or, I could go to the pub instead and not raise my blood pressure above boiling point.

iPhones, iPods or anything made by Apple generally. They may look nice, but cost twice as much and last half as long. 90% of the apps on there are pointless fucking marketing anyway, and the rest you have to buy from Apple directly? Fuck that. Oh, and the single mouse button thing is fucking retarded. I had to do a bit of CSS tweaking on a client's website the other day on a Mac and it was the most cruel and unusual punishment imaginable; a five-minute job took twenty minutes and at least ten times as much swearing - "Now where's that fucking window gone? How do I get that stupid shitting bouncy taskbar to come back? Where the fuck is the cunting file system? Where's the goddamn fucking taskbar gone now?" Don't get me started on the shitocalyptic bastard piece of wormy virus shit Quicktime that periodically tries to infect my laptop, and you can poke iTunes up your arse too.

Cycling - I cycle occasionally around London if I'm skint and I need to get from point A to point B. It doesn't make me a better person and no-one else needs to hear about it. If I get stuck next to one more person at a party who tries to talk to me about cycling in that smug, superior way again, I'll shove their front forks into their back passage. Cyclists in London are fucking idiots who can't be arsed to kill themselves properly and are just waiting for a white van to do it for them. While being smug and superior about it, and acting as if pedestrian crossings don't apply to them, the inconsiderate stupid fucking cunts. Cyclists on the pavement - all of the above plus I will try and push you off into the road if you come near me.

There will be more of this, mark my words...
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 16:36, 3 replies)

I have clicked "I like this"
As - well - I like it.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 16:42, closed)

I think this sums up the Apple fetishism perfectly...
www.theonion.com/content/video/apple_introduces_revolutionary
(Jimmy Savlon, Thu 15 Oct 2009, 21:16, closed)

clicks for
"shitocalyptic"
( Ping_Pang_Piddley_Dee couldn't give a big shiny fuck., Tue 20 Oct 2009, 14:00, closed)