the bath that wasn't
i live in what is known locally as a granny flat, a small, one-bedroomed flat on the ground floor of a 2-storey building. i don't care that it's small, it's just the right size for me.
the bath, however, wasn't. it was roughly two and a half feet long and had clearly been made specifically to be crammed into my tiny bathroom. to wet my hair without pouring a cup of water over it, i had to have my legs up the wall and a tap practically wedged up my nethers. it was utterly ridiculous. i decided to complain thusly:

Dear Sir/Madam,
I have just moved into ** ***** street. i am enjoying it here, although i would also enjoy being able to bathe without having to go to my mother's house. the bath here is tiny. seriously, you could use it as a jelly mould. i tried to bathe in it last week and, unfortunately, i got stuck. it took me twenty minutes to get out of the bath, which was longer than it would normally take to wash myself. now, i'm sure you will agree that this is unacceptable. as i am not the circus midget for whom this bath was clearly designed, i would like to request that you fit a shower cubicle for me a.s.a.p.
i apologise for the green pen, but i've lost my blue biro.

sincerely,
Smash Monkey.

i got my shower fitted, 2 years after i moved in. it's a good job i'm double jointed or i'd have had to stand in the bath and pour water over myself.

before anyone says it, i couldn't buy one of those showers that fit onto the taps, the water pressure is so low that only a trickle comes out of those showers.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 18:08, Reply)