Chemistry camp, beer and bird poo
For those of you who don't know me, which is most of you, I'm a bit of a geek. I'm also a sucker for punishment. For both of these reasons I ended up volunteering at this year's chemistry camp at Sussex university. My duties mainly extended to making sure the 15 year olds didn't blow themselves up while trying to impart some sort of wisdom into the fertile and otherwise occupied teenage minds that make up "the future of our country". As for my success rates, well, they all went home in one piece. Whether they're any wiser, well, pfft. 50% ain't bad!

Anyway, I digress. As you can imagine, this week is rather hectic and stressful for all concerned, so when we finished re-setting the lab at 5.30 there was a quick dash to the union bar for a quick pint before we got our free dinner at 6. One particularly sunny afternoon my friend, who we shall call Andy, for that is his name, had purchased a pint of good old Ireland's finest Guinness. A rather fine choice, in all respects. We were sat outside on the picnic benches with our various beverages chatting when all of a sudden there was a quiet "plop" and a few drops of Andy's full pint of Guinness gracefully leapt onto the table. He was talking to someone else at this point so didn't notice.

"Um, Andy, mate, I think a seagull may have just pooed in your Guinness..."

He held it up to the light and peered in through the bottom. The top looked just as foamy and undisturbed as before.

"Nah, I can't see anything, I'll risk it," says he, taking a swig. The expression of relaxed nonchalence changed rapidly to one of revulsion and disgust as he spat the mouthful out all over the table while spluttering "Urgh, something solid just went in my mouth!" The foam then definitely looked more suspect. A seagull had managed to poo in his pint, without getting any on the table around it, a shot in a million, as I'm sure you'll agree.

"Why don't you go and ask for another one? It's not exactly your fault mate, if you tell it well and bat your eyelids at the pretty barmaid they might not charge you."

To cut a long story short Andy did have to pay for another pint cos the bar manager is a tight fisted bastard. Shame really, like we said, it's not like they're exactly going to lose a lot of money for replacing drinks that birds have pooed in and it would have been decent of them to give him a free pint for a good story. Oh well!

The moral of this story, ladies and gentlemen, is that somewhere out there in Brighton is a seagull with scary aim that leaves no trace of its stealthy bum manoeuvers. If you're outside and take your eyes off your drink for a second, who knows what will happen...

Length? Only just relevant and about half an hour.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 14:26, 2 replies)

Well,
It was guinness!

Good aim though, they're crafty buggers.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 3 Sep 2010, 14:43, closed)

Clicked
for making me spit on my phone with "stealthy bum manoeuvers".
(Ejaculantern was caught desecrating pumpkins on, Tue 7 Sep 2010, 6:16, closed)