There's a bloke who walks down the back alley where I live every Saturday and Sunday...
at exactly 1pm, so I normally see him when I'm outside at weekends doing the manly thing of having a beer and working on my motorbike.

He looks like either a smackhead or a drunk, and every week the conversation goes exactly the same:

"Alright mate, " it starts, like he's never seen me before... "I went out last night and I'm stuck here, you haven't got a spare 20p for the bus have you?"

The first time, I fell for it.

The second time, I told him I didn't have any change.

The third time, I got pissed off.

"Listen mate, I've got a fantastic idea. You're short of 20p for the bus every time I see you. So why, the next time you go out around here, don't you spend 20p less on beer so you don't have to keep asking me for it?"

He mumbled 'wanker' before shuffling off.

Cunt.

Ironically, if he was honest and said he was skint and wanted a drink, I'd have given him a beer.


I've also been ripped off over weed twice - the first time the bloke said he needed my phone to call the dealer and ran off with it (luckily it was only a shit phone).

The second time some smeggy smackhead cunt told me to give him a tenner (my last one) and he'd get the weed from a pub. Only he told me to stand down the street because 'the dealer would come outside and kick off otherwise'. Predictably, he fucked off.

So I got in my car and chased him. Put the shits up him in a big way when I swerved onto the pavement and nearly broke both his legs, although unfortunately I never caught him.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Mon 22 Oct 2007, 16:06, Reply)