When good deeds go bad....
Here's a late and lame one.

Back in the day (from about 14-24) I was a proper metal head. Enormous armoured boots, black jeans (no leather trousers, I had some pride), metaller tee shirts, leather waistcoat (ok, so no pride actually) and a big leather biker jacket with metal badges on for bands such as Pantera, The Almighty, Maiden etc etc.

Thusly am I dressed for the obligatory birthday meal out with the parents. A nice little pub near my home, good food, a sly beer, and my lovely parents spoiling me on my 16th birthday. There is even a band making a decent attempt at some old rock (Deep Purple, Alice Cooper, Bon (gag, retch) Jovi etc etc. I'm overdoing the 'Rock God' thing by poking fun at the 'soft as shit' music, but generally having a good time.

Until I return from the toilet to find that my parents, on the spur of the moment, have arranged a special treat: the band are going to do a song specially for me! Wow! Now what shall I pick, and will these old fuckers know it? Hmm,........

Except my parents had chosen for me, and the band announce that they will be giving a rendition of my favourite song in the whole wide world: Everything I Do, by Bryan Adams, the 16 week puke inducing girl friendly number one that makes Def Leppard sound heavier than Cradle of Filth.

I sat there, in my Metallica t-shirt and spiky hair for 6 minutes, pretending to really enjoy one of the most depraved and sugar sweet pieces of music in the world being forced into my ears from a distance of 3 feet. The band had never even played it before, so they were just making it up mostly. My hard man of rock image dissolved 3 bars in, and I just managed to clap at the end with a clenched smile on my face while a pub full of people reclassified me from 'don't mess with him' to 'fucking big pussy'.

So thank you, Mission Impossible, for being such nice blokes and good musicians that you'd have a crack at it, but next time, do the kid a favour and tell the parent to piss off.


Thats one of the longest and most badly written pieces of shit I've ever churned out, so apologies for pretty much all of it.
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Thu 4 Dec 2008, 13:47, Reply)