Oh god, the shame - is a crush on *everybody* inappropriate?
As a teenager I was a bit of a wee lad. Underdeveloped some might say. However the lack of testicular hair and the fact that almost every girl in my class was taller than me didn't stop me showing an interest in girls.

An indiscriminate, naive and enthusiastic interest.

Where I got the self confidence from I don't know - perhaps I used it all up in one go - but through the course of one utterly shameful school year - I developed a crush on each girl in my class in turn, fantasised about our beautiful life together should she see the man inside the (quite literal) boy. I would then ask them out, be knocked back, enter a terrible state of despair and bemoan my terrible life. Then i'd move on to the next one. (Hey, at least I was monogamous).

Unsurprisingly this approach delivered zero results, and such a sequence of knock-backs, though not surprising in hindsight, has rendered me incapable of ever approaching a lady for a good time. Thank god for the wife, who has more testicular fortitude than me in this area, and booze, for lowering my fear levels enough so that I dare kiss a lady.

The moral of the story? Have two:
1) Post pubescent girls aren't impressed by pre-pubescent boys
2) A woman likes to feel special. Being the 4th girl you ask out in that month doesn't make a lady feel that way. More like last turkey in the shop. Especially when being selected by a Z-lister male.

Side note: Fortunately, all turned out normal puberty wise, and I am now balding with an impressive penis. (This is not a joke, but 100% of cock-fact)
(incrediblemonkeydoctor www.rantatsomeone.com - go on, have a rant, Thu 28 Sep 2006, 16:57, Reply)