Halogen PIR lamps
When I worked in a consumer electronics retail outlet that sounded like a holiday camp from a sitcom, we would occasionally take stock of some kind of wonder-product which was impressively cut-price (if slightly ropy in construction and quality control was 'pick 4 out of 100 to test and if they work, the other 96 probably will)

But I digress.

We had a PIR (Passive Infra Red) triggered halogen security light on sale for £20. Hundreds and hundreds of these things went out of the door at high speed because of their low, low price and word of mouth.

So given the large amnount of numbers going out, you expect some genuine faulty units back.

However, sometimes you have to refuse a refund because the customer has quite clearly borked it themselves. But for some reason, they think that they can bluff through, get angrier, demand to see the manager and ask for refund, petrol money, compensation et cetera.

One bloke brought back our wonder PIR halogen lamp saying it didn't work and he was pissed off and he had taken time off work and did we realise how much money he was losing etc etc etc.

As was the custom, when someone brought something back 'broken', we'd always test it out in front of them, to prove it was working if it was their mistakes that rendered the unit unworking.

We had a quick-connect mains block with crocodile clips for mains electricity and would cut a metre of mains cable, strip and wire it into the lamp and the quick connector socket, powered it up and HEY PRESTO, the lamp came on for 30 seconds when you walked in front of the sensor. Case closed. Yes?

NO. I wired it up, I'm a professional engineer et cetera and it wouldn't work in my back garden.

Now, you'd be surprised how many people look at a screw block with three terminals on and not be able to match up wires of the same colour on one side of the block to the existing ones going to the lamp circuitry. So having proven that it worked I referred him to the wiring diagram in the instructions and added (as a get out clause) that for insurance purposes perhaps he ought to get a qualified electrician in to do the job. He went nuts.

Shouting, swearing, the manager was summoned at this point and then repeated everything I'd told him but oh no, he wanted another one. Sigh. OK the manager says, in this instance we'll do a swap. Have you a receipt?

No.

OK, did you pay for your lamp with a credit card? we can go back over the shop records and look for the transaction if you can tell us when it was and it would help if you could remember about what time of day you came in.

'Three weeks ago, 10am on Wednesday'.

The manager and I exchange a long look after noting the spiderweb-crusted, weatherstained sun-faded unit. That's like Judith Chalmers saying 'I'm only 29 and I like the occasional carrot'.

The manager looks back through all the shop records, and eventually phones head office for all transactions on the given credit card. They phone back 5 minutes later.

The customer HAD bought a GK05 PIR halogen lamp on this card. 11 months and 5 days earlier. That was his entire credit card buying history in this store.

The fucker was trying to get a free replacement on a WORKING product that was nearly a year old. The managers' brow knitted. Right.

We went back out front to see the customer and the manager told him that the unit was far too old looking to be 3 weeks old (It was that way when he got it) and had he bought one some time before? (He can't be expected to remember everything, can he?) and all we can do with this one is send it away for repair (What? And leave his back garden prey to thieves and burglars in the meanwhile?).

"Plus it seems to be working OK now sir" I chipped in, flicking the power switch and demonstrating the unit's sensitivity by standing across the far side of the shop and crossing the beam, turning the lamp on.

"FINE" he stormed, "I'm going to go to Wickes instead and buy a PROPER lamp. All my friends are going to hear about this" he finished and stomped off, leaving a big black streak of rubber as he pulled out of the car park and did a huge wheelspin up the road in anger.

Silly customer. He doesn't have any friends to tell about this really.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 20:18, 1 reply)

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(ThomsonsPier consumes, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 10:50, closed)