Way back...
Whilst I was at university, I used to work with a faceless multiplex in the local shopping centre (now owned by Odeon, but not back in my day. Take three letter, two of whic are vowels....) We were called "cast members" although "bitches" or "customer punchbags" would have been more appropriate. I went to university in a town which was 50/50 divided between students and scummers who liked to hit students. Between London and Stevenage on the WAGN line. If you get to Welwyn Garden City, you've gone too far. With me? Don't care? All to the good.

Unfortunately, one day I was standing like a good little usher behind my podium, where we kept various things including paperwork, a torch (never working)a bag of misappropriated pick and mix and a sharps bin for the needles we found on a regular basis. A woman who looked much tidier than the usual scummers* came up to me.

"Excuse me" she said.

There then followed a blitzkreig of bizarre, pointless and esoteric questions along the lines of.

"I wish to bring my disabled son into a screening on the third Tuesday of a month with an R in on a 3/4 full moon to see a film that was discontinued 5 weeks previously on a screen pointing southwards with no fewer than 12 rows of seats and a model of Frankie Dettorie fellating the Buddha in the corner. Would you be able to accomodate."

She had that particularly shitty attitude of the "yummy mummy" that the world should work the way SHE wanted, rather than the 5000 other odd (very odd) customers who generally paid to see a film every week. Di;plomacy was only getting so far. I decided to refer this bitch up the food chain to the manager. As I called for him on the radio, I heard her utter the phrase "oh for fuck's sake." whilst rolling her eyes andtossing her (dyed) red hair, as if I had asked her to perform a perverted and bizarre sex act with a donkey.

At which stage, I uttered something along the lines of.

"I'm sorry I can't answer your question for you, but don't you fucking DARE act like you are superior to me because you've splooged six quid on a ticket for you and your bastard child. I've tried to be helpful, but quite frankly, bollocks to it. Piss off out of my cinema and go elsewhere."

This was unusually eloquent of me, but I had well and truly had enough of being patronised and abused by idiots. At this stage the manager arrived, and I walked off to the staff room.

10 minutes later the manager (who would have found it hard to manage a party company that specialised in alcoholic receptions in a brewery) came in and tried to lay into me for "abusing a customer."

In my second eloquent speech of the day (to be fair, I'd prepared this one) I uttered words to the effect of:

"Basically, she started it. I have no inclination to be verbally abused at work. You know for a fact I am one of your best employees, as I can count above 10 without taking my shoes and socks off. If you wish to fire me, then please - be my guest. I however am going home."

I got my coat and went home to drink with some mates.

The next morning the cinema manager phones up.

"Carrot,can you come back?"

"No"

I then spent an enoyable 5 months as a bike mechanic before starting to fix people instead.


*she had clean teeth, and I'm fairly certain they were all hers as well.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Thu 4 Sep 2008, 22:53, 12 replies)

my god the cinema
so many stories, and I was "only" security.

I'm saving mine for later, as some are truly weird and require proper thoughtfulness in telling
(bamboozled Can hear you getting fatter, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 23:03, closed)

i actually did laugh out loud at this...
"I wish to bring my disabled son into a screening on the third Tuesday of a month with an R in on a 3/4 full moon to see a film that was discontinued 5 weeks previously on a screen pointing southwards with no fewer than 12 rows of seats and a model of Frankie Dettorie fellating the Buddha in the corner. Would you be able to accomodate."
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 23:58, closed)

hmmm
I think I might know where you mean.
(lei, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 1:02, closed)

*waves from WGC*
I know where you mean. It is scummy indeed.
( le brian, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 1:10, closed)

hi
OOHH hatefield charming place the galleria attracts all the best people
(welgar, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 8:34, closed)

I know what cinema you're on about.
The old UCI (as opposed to VUE, which also has two vowels).

Used to work near there. Does the train station still say 'SHatfield'? :D
(Jester_, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:08, closed)

hmm
I've never noticed that! I don't think it does.
(lei, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:34, closed)

Never mind
I remember it used to, but that was before First CRapital Connect took over.
(Jester_, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 15:40, closed)

I fucking hated that place.
It also explains why I now have an averson to popcorn and Cotton Traders Clothing. WElcome, ladies and gentleman, to the Hatfield Gonhorrea.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sat 6 Sep 2008, 17:09, closed)

Perfect!
"You know for a fact I am one of your best employees, as I can count above 10 without taking my shoes and socks off."
(Hermioninny, Sun 7 Sep 2008, 19:37, closed)

We call it...
...the Hatfield Diarrhoea. But we used to live in Watford, so it seems quite nice in comparison.
(claireyfairy There's a smell in here that will outlast religion, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 21:28, closed)

Haven't been there in a while...
But I did my Year 9 work experience in that cinema. I saw a film for free on the first day, and spent the rest of the week tearing tickets. Fun fun fun fun. It was the dullest week ever.
(mistressminimas is absolutely insane, Mon 8 Sep 2008, 22:32, closed)