I get calls
This is tenuously on-topic, but sort of relates to the "customer is always right" mantra... if, that is, your definition of "customer" is wide enough to cover "mad stranger".

The scene: 10:15 last night. The phone goes. It's an Irish voice* on the other end.
"Can I speak to Pat?"
Not on this number, you can't.
"I want to speak to Pat."
You've got the wrong number. There's no Pat here.
"There is. Stop messing around. I want to speak to Pat."
Really, this is the wrong number.
"No it isn't. It's the number Deirdre gave me."
Then Deirdre gave you the wrong number. There's no Pat here.
"Could you just put Pat on the phone?"
No. I don't know any Pat. What number did you ring?
"This one."
Well, yes. But what number was that?
"2xx 1xxx."
OK, that's this number. But there's no Pat here.
"But Deirdre said that this was Pat's number. I want to speak to Pat."
It isn't Pat's number. There's no Pat here.
[pause]
"Does she live on your street?"
I don't know anyone called Pat. Or Deirdre, for that matter.
"Could she live next door? Could you knock on your neighbour's door?"
It's unlikely that anyone next door is called Pat. They're from the Philippines.
"Would you try next door?"
I don't know anyone called Pat.
"Look - I want to talk to Pat."
I believe you. But you have the wrong number.
"Come on now. Let me talk to Pat."
I don't know anyone called Pat.
"Deirdre said..."
I know what Deirdre said. She's wrong.
[pause]
"If you see Pat, will you tell her I rang?"
I don't know Pat.
"But if you see her, will you tell her I rang?"
I don't know who you are, either.
"Who're you?"
I'm Iain.
"Well I'm Pauline. If you see Pat, will you tell her I called?"
I still don't know anyone called Pat.
"Will you let me talk to Pat now, then?"
No. There's noone of that name here. You have the wrong number.
"Can I talk to Pat?"
No.
"Well you tell her I rang when you see her?"


Christ. Anyone'd think that the Irish had a reputation for being a bit simple...



*No, not that Irish voice...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 10:23, 5 replies)

ah, Pauline
she's always doing that. Pat was away down the pub and gave her a wrong number so as he could lower a few before she caught up with him. Cheeky sod!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 10:31, closed)

That's very patient of you.

I would have told her that Pat moved out a couple of months ago and I haven't seen her since, but if I did see her, I'd be sure to pass on the message.
( Moey, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 10:34, closed)

I had that in the house once.
"Put Julie on." Soz mate wrong number and the guy hangs up. He rings back a minute later. "Stick Julie on please." Nope, you've got the wrong number sorry. "Look mate, don't fuck about, stick her on." Seriously, you've got the wrong number. "I'll be round there now to kick your fucking head in, STICK HER ON." Ok mate, you are more than welcome to, just out of curiousity though, where do you think I live? "You're in Morriston in Swansea." I immitate the buzzer sound from Family Fortunes and say I'm sorry, but that that's the wrong answer :D and then hung up. Tool.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 10:39, closed)

Crazy
I once had a crazy Asian man ring up and ask for Pete I think. I told him there was no Pete at this address so he asks me to put Paul (say) on. There's no Paul here either I tell him. He gets more and more worked up and starts threatening to call the police if I don't get Pete. Then his missus comes on and asks where Pete is. I tell her they've got the wrong number, she says "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you" and gone. WTF?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 10:59, closed)

I recently had
A missed number on my mobile that I didn't recognise, so I rang it.

answerer - Hello?

me - Hi there, I have a missed call from this number on my mobile, just wondering who you are?

a - No mate, I haven't rung you

m - I have a missed call from this number

a - no, you have dialled the wrong number

m - Eh? this number is on my phone as a missed call, you must have rung me for it to be there

a - no, you have rung the wrong number

m - nggggggggggggggggggggggggg and hang up.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:48, closed)