QVC
Open apology to the staff at QVC. There was a period where my friend Clive and me would phone relentlessly in to QVC and harass the poor staff. In a polite, pranky kind of way, but enough to solicit a call from some management asking us to politely fuck right off.

It all started whilst stoned on saturday afternoon. We worked in a tech support call centre and like to wreak revenge on poor unsuspecting losers that eek out a living flogging poor computer products on cable telly. As we worked in a call centre, we knew all the shitty things that customers did and said to us, it was time for a little payback.

Again, sorry QVC. First off. Confusion.

"Hello QVC can i help you?"

"Certainly. I'd like to purchase a product"

"Of course, can you tell me the number on the screen please."

"Yes its 0. 8. 0. 0. 5. 0. 4. 0. 3. 0."

"thankyou, just hold on a minute. . . . erm that numbers not comi.. ah I see thats actually our phone number sir"

"Thats the number that was on screen."

"Yes of course its our phone number. Do you have the product number."

"Yes. Its 0. 8. 0..."

"Thats the phone number sir. What was the PRODUCT number on screen at the time"

etc. This could be carried on for ages.

Eventually, I described the product. In this case, Microsoft Encarta.

"And what type of computer do you have sir?"

"A VAX VMS. None of this PDP11 nonsense" i said in my most pompous old skool IT voice".

"Erm yer wha?" The scouseness would normally increase (call centre was in Knowlesley I think)."

I would normally get to listen as the operator would shout around the call centre, asking other staff if they had ever heard of VAX VMS and other such nonsense.

After about 15 or so calls, we'd have some names of staff. And phone up asking for them.

"Hi is Jen there please?"

"Sorry this is the mainline, for staff you need to call the private line"

"yeah I've forgotten it, I'm picking her up in 5 minutes, what is it again?"

Bingo, got the private number, i can extrapolate the DDI's now.

"Hi, its Steve, can you pass on a message to Jen - tell her I'm out the front, is she ready to go yet?"

You can pretty much carry on like this as long as you like and have all the girls running round the office, looking for all the Jennifers, and seeing if they will go outside to meet Steve etc until the management call you and threaten restraining orders etc. It was fun.

Sorry QVC girls

(Does anyone else think that Eastenders was invented by the Government to condition people into thinking 'at least my life isn't as shit as it is for people in eastenders' and thus prepare them for call centre work? I watched it the other day and wanted to tear my face off with a fork. Its so fucking bad why do so many people watch it? Is it a class thing? Are people that fucking retarded that watching Eastenders gives them some kind of pleasure. I'm turning into Travis Bickle I think).
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 11:50, 5 replies)

I've always thought that about Eastenders. I also think Women in general take a twisted pleasure out of drama in their lives. You know the gossipy kind of people...

"Did you hear bout so-and-so from round the corner?"
"Who?"
"You know married to himself who used to work in the Butchers until his first wife died" (little bit of pleasure)
"Ohhhhhhh yes.. What happened?"
"Left his second wife for a 17 year old lass tha works in Sainsburys" (pleasure increases)
"You're JOKING!?!"
"No, blah fucking blahbsklfjsf"
(Pleasure overload from other peoples misery)

I agree with your Travis Bickle sentiments. Time to make a cult or something. All meetings to finish with: "They should take this town and flush it down the fucking toilet".
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 11:59, closed)

hehe
Current things that annoy me; (this would make a good QOTW - again.)

The kids who seem to be cycling about on BMX's (or similar) bikes with the seats set down to the bottom. Its so inefficient and they look like DICKS. In what world, have our children (de)volved to a position where making things extrememly difficult is progress.

Oh and for the love of god boys, please stop wearing trousers around your arse. You have to keep hitching them up every 8 seconds and your nasty pants show over the top which makes me want to sick a little in my mouth.
( I have run out of coke is a little sweaty, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:13, closed)

Well I'm getting a bit picky here but when i was in the city I couldn't stand people on the rush hour buses when it was packed.

The worst culrpits were the 30 year old-ish business-like men who would put the giant suitcases on one seat so the grotty public wouldn't be able to sit by them. Meanwhile Granny has to trot all the way upto the back of the bus with her shopping while its jerking about.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:33, closed)

.
Hate baggy-arse jeans?
Help yourself to a nice hot cup of schadenfreude.

www.wiltshiretimes.co.uk/search/display.var.2302279.0.teen_hospitalised_after_trouser_trip.php
(Pickettywitchfinder General, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 12:39, closed)

^That's very funny

Although why they insist on referring to the low trouser wearing oxygen thief as a 'victim' is beyond me.

Unless they mean that he's a victim of his own brain aching idiocy.
( Moey, Thu 11 Sep 2008, 13:29, closed)