The dark old railway
I used to live around one mile from the village - the one with the pubs in. Along the railway it's about 1/2 mile as you don't have to follow all the curves in the road.

One evening I decided to take the shorter route home. The track is some way from the road and street lights - the the left side there is nothing but fields and a few farmhouses and barns dotted about, so it's almost pitch black.

Walking along the track, I managed quite successfully to navigate the old bridge where you have to either walk on the (very difficult to see) sleepers, or slide your feet along the track feeling for solid ground underneath every few steps to see of you've made it to the other side. Cock this up, and you will get very wet in a very slimy and very dark ditch.

A few feet after the bridge however, I swear I could hear footsteps and then a rustling in the bushes.

Slowly, in my pocket, I slid my keys through the gaps in my fingers in case I was jumped on and needed a weapon to defend myself with.

It was then that I saw more rustling and then heard a very human sounding cough. I froze - well nearly froze, my sphincter was moving back and forth in rapid succession.

I felt again for my keys and slowly walked on - my reasoning being that I'm bloody miles from anywhere; if someone wanted to mug or murder someone, that person would have a bloody long wait, as I was quite possibly the only person to walk along this track at night for quite some months.

I continued on my walk, only to hear more coughing - it was getting louder as I approached the bush.

I looked back towards the path I had following wondering if it would be a better idea to walk back to the village and start my journey again but on the roadside this time, when I heard the cough again and yet more rustling.

With a bag load of bravado that to this day it's origin evades me, I ran at the bush instead shouting "Arrrrrgggggghhhh" and brandishing my new 'keyduster' weapon.

Fucking sheep runs away literally shitting itself.

Turns out they have very similar vocal chords to humans and when they cough they sound just like us.

Shat the life out of me!
(dchurch bah, Thu 30 Jul 2009, 11:58, Reply)