The lead singer of Twisted Sister
Once accompanied me on a trip to Newcastle Upon Tyne. Whilst there we took in the sites that the city has to offer, the Metro Centre, the strange people that hang around the Monument, The Baltic Mill, men in vests despite it being only 2 degrees centigrade (in fairness, it must have been cold for them to even be wearing vests).

Following this cultural explosion we took a trip across the River Tyne on the new "winking" millenium bridge type thing that they've been and constructed for students to jump off.

Whilst strolling over the bridge an approaching group of locals obviously recognised my companion but, being the crafty little devils that they were, they didn't let on until they were standing right next to him. At this point they, as a gigantic sports wear clothed chorus, yelled out a traditional Geordie phrase.

Sadly, the shock startled my erstwhile walking partner so much so that he fell backwards, hitting the hand rail right in the centre of his body which caused him to carry out a spectacular flip. This in turn catapulted him downwards towards the surface of the river, which, upon impact, killed him stone dead.

That was the sad tale of my Dee, "Why Ai!" Disaster.

I'm sorry, I know it's only Tuesday but stories have been drying up a bit recently.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:39, 34 replies)

You had to
Open the floodgates, didn't you...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:43, closed)

In fairness
I blame Bert Monkeysex, he started it earlier.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:45, closed)

You can't really
Blame him though, can you, he's not exactly in full control of his mental faculties, is he?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:47, closed)

I like this
I like this so much that it hurts a little.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:51, closed)

@Kaol
You are of course correct. I just wanted an excuse to start punning.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:57, closed)

Does Burt Monkeysex
Count as one of your infinite monkeys?

Sorry, a bit out of the blue that...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:59, closed)

Probably not
But I daresay he enjoys infinite sex with my infinite monkeys
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:02, closed)

Well,
Who wouldn't enjoy infinite sex?

Actually, I guess it'd start to get a bit tender after a while.
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:03, closed)

yeah, but
then you could just change to a different monkey
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:04, closed)

^
ROFL (almost)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:06, closed)

Surely
"ROFL (almost)"
Is just "L"?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:07, closed)

^yes
but I also moved my foot a little and it was on the floor.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:09, closed)

So...
MFOTFABL?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, closed)

@Kaol
Oi! Of course you are right, but you didn't have to actually say it.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:11, closed)

*looks down*
Sorry Bert.

*offers Bert a clean monkey*
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:13, closed)

*Monkeysexes in the bum*
Ahhh.... It's good to be back.

I actually had to do some work a minute ago, like, puh-leeze!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:15, closed)

@Burt
I was wondering when you'd show up!
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:17, closed)

Ta-da!
I wish I were a cloven-hoofed mammal...
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:18, closed)

Don't we all Bert
Don't we all.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:19, closed)

*wonders what it would be like to be Kaol's mammal*
Here Al, you can have your monkey back.

*hands over simian*

You might want to clean it now though.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:20, closed)

It wouldn't be much fun
Just ask the goat.
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:21, closed)

Some goats are very hard to please.
Just KIDding, they love the cock.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:24, closed)

A little-known fact:
Milking a goat is like giving a hand-job to a very small, very hairy man.

Most other milk-able creatures don't have such hairy nipples.
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:26, closed)

*lays on his back*
;oD

*is a small man with hairy nipples*
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:27, closed)

*vigorously milks goat over him*
mmmmmmm
(Bazongaloid, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:30, closed)

You
Always take it too far, don't you?
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:30, closed)

OH GOD THIS SO WRONG!!!11!
Have you actually read the stuff we just posted? I'm not having you milk a goat over me, I want a handjob offa that Kaol fella.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:31, closed)

Right...
I'm going now.
You strange, strange man...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)

I'll miss you.
x
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:40, closed)

you know the way
I clicked "I like this"? Well, I liked this, but all this talk of goat milk is making me hungry.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:44, closed)

Lie down
Al dispenses with the Goat milk like some kind of nanny bag-piper.
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:47, closed)

On a goat-related tangent...
Could you make goat-milk-ice-cream?
Or Goat-shake?

I'm gonna have to get something with goat cheese for lunch now...
( Cawl, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:47, closed)

Must be a possibility.
Surely anything that produces milk, can also make cheese, ice cream, butter, milkshake, and my lactose intolerant friend very, very ill?
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 12:51, closed)

Erm...
I may regret mentioning this....but I used to have my own (real) goats. I hand milked them too.

And their teats are rather like pendulous breasts when you begin to milk. By the end when you've almost finished they are more like flaccid carrier bags. The milk is ace though. Makes fantastic yoghurt and of course cheese. Never tried making ice cream from it though.

Oh, and goats' milk from the supermarkets often has a goaty aroma - fresh goats' milk doesn't...and when I say fresh I mean less than 48 hours old - most of the stuff in the shops has to be that old.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 8 Apr 2008, 23:05, closed)