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This is a question DIY disasters

I just can't do power tools. They always fly out of control and end up embedded somewhere they shouldn't. I've no idea how I've still got all the appendages I was born with.

Add to that the fact that nothing ends up square, able to support weight or free of sticking-out sharp bits and you can see why I try to avoid DIY.

Tell us of your own DIY disasters.

(, Thu 3 Apr 2008, 17:19)
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@BGB
Absolutely...gaz me up and we can talk about the shipping forecast!
(, Wed 9 Apr 2008, 23:20, 45 replies)
My predictions
South utsire - cyclonic becoming south

North utsire - slight or moderate

Dogger - Smooth or slight - 4 westerley

But that's only my opinion of course.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 9:40, closed)
@BGB
Pffft, dogger.

@Ed Was this a reply to another thread? -I've done that soooo many times, but I am very, very steeoopid.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 9:53, closed)
Erm...
...yep. Oops.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 10:23, closed)
@BGB
And what a fine opinion it is too!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 10:24, closed)
It's ok Eddie
I'll forgive you, as long as you click my QOTW suggestion and get Baldrick to come up with one of his many cunning plans.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 10:28, closed)
I have been known to foretell the weather...
Just by wetting my finger and holding it up.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:10, closed)
^^
Holding it up to what precisely?!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:14, closed)
Hehe!!
You took the bait...you lot are so predictable.

I blame Bert and Al for the decline of morals on this website.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:16, closed)
Yes!
Escaped with my morals and reputation untarnished!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:48, closed)
*feels upset that his reputation is so low*
*wonders what he did to deserve this*

Is sexing a monkey so wrong people?
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:53, closed)
*shrugs*
Guess I just gave the nudge, and you two snowballed...

*ahem*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:55, closed)
@BGB
Oi!

Standards around here were pretty low, long before I joined. We're merely contributing to the malaise of sordid wrongness that is b3ta.

*will try to be less filthy in future*

Goat cockcheese!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 11:59, closed)
@Burt
To be fair, it was Burt Monkeysex's Back that said all that stuff... And he's dead now.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:02, closed)
Good point Kaol
this could be a whole new start for me, I could spread light and fluffiness wherever I go, only ever discuss topics like bunny rabbits, kittens and fuzzy cute little care bears. I could stick to posts about the nicer, finer things in life, bring b3ta into a new era, one untarnished by the likes of BMb and al, rape, incest, necrophilia and paedophilic jokes...
*holds hands as a bright, shining light appears in the sky and angels begin to sing*

...or al and I could just tag team a goat.
Which end would you like first al?
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:06, closed)
end?
No Bert, like Kaol, I have a self tapping penis and I like to make my own way through the kidneys.

Oh dear god, I can't believe I just wrote that. Bert, you make me sicken myself damn you!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:09, closed)
I like both the Sexmonkeys
Can't we keep them both? Oh please, mummy? I'll feed them and walk them and clean out their hutch and everything!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:10, closed)
CHCB
you never know, BMb may return at some point, like some kind of cheesy soap plot, as in my QOTW suggestion (click it!)

Al, you sicken me too, but that's part of the appeal.

*edit* stupid link with too many stupid brackets, fixed now
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:13, closed)
Careful now
or we'll end up with infinite Sexmonkeys.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:14, closed)
@K2k6
I wish I could click I Like This on your reply, that was a proper MFOTFABL moment.

Burt, your link's broken.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:17, closed)
I've clicked it already
I clicked so hard I broke my finger.

Doesn't matter how many times it's been clicked though, otherwise my fwappage fodder suggestion would have been used by now, sitting as it is at Number 4 in the favourites.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:17, closed)
K2K6
you made me chuckle so hard a little bit of pee came out.

CHCB thank you for your clickings, but what favourites page? Is there a favourites page?
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:22, closed)
Ms. Crackhouse
How do you see which are the most popular answers on that QOTW suggestion page?
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:23, closed)
it's a clever secret
handed down from b3tard to b3tard.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:27, closed)
Tell me CHCB
or I'll buy the same t-shirt as you and follow you around, showing you up EVERYWHERE.

AND another thing, if you've bought a t-shirt, and therefore donated, where's your flipping icon? Eh?
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:30, closed)
I think it's only right
that Kaol should tell you. It perpetuates the dissemination of esoteric and arcane knowledge.

Edit: AFAIK you don't get an icon for buying a t-shirt, just for cold, hard cash. I don't have any of that this month. Or indeed, many months.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:33, closed)
Does that mean you've told him by gaz?
and not me?
You're so not my favourite anymore!
*sulks*

Tell me about it, I started a new job last month, my old job were too cack to even give me my p45, so I've been emergency taxed to buggery and have approximately -£200 to live on all til the 30th.
*grumbles about the council being shite*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:37, closed)
I'm owed
£1920 by the estate agents - a deposit from my old flat that was due to be returned within 30 days. We're on day 72 now and they always say they'll phone me back. They never phone me back. I am composing letters threatening the Small Claims Court.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)
Oi Burt!
Stop your moaning!
I've gaz'd you.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:39, closed)
what does AFAIK mean?
I'm clearly not as down with the kids and their hip lingo as I thought I was.

*grumbles*

*breaks hip*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:40, closed)
@CHCB
If you have some mates who are really big blokes, it may be worth taking them with you on a little trip to the estate agents.

Probably won't have any result, but it will make you feel better.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:41, closed)
^
yes, big blokes, plus an infinite number of monkeys, plus some sexgoats.

But not an infinite number of Monkeysex.

Edit: @al AFAIK = as far as I know
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:44, closed)
@CHCB
you think that's bad?
The CSA charged me double my child support for a whole freaking year, and refused to give half the extra money back!
Bastards.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 12:45, closed)
Al and Bert!
I distinctly felt that B3ta was getting more refined and cultural in these last few months and then you two show up with your sexmonkeys and goats et al and BANG! back down to the gutteral depths we plummet.

I have felt quite dirty these past few days and no matter how hard I scrub myself,(and I do scrub pretty hard), I never seem to feel clean.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:02, closed)
@BGB
*hands in pockets, looking down, shuffling feet*

Sorry Miss, I promise I won't do it again.

until next time...

*edit* and it's not my fault you feel dirty!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:06, closed)
@BGB
More refined and cultural? I give you - Mix Tapes and My First Cigarette.

Then Bert and Me discovered out mutual enjoyment of Capraphillia (that's spelt correctly thank you) and now look how many fun posts we have!

Also, it was CHCB that got over 200 replies to a story her enjoying her ladybits, and we had nothing to with that thankyou!

*grins, does small tap dance routine, touches a goat inappropriately*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:15, closed)
al
seriously, i love you, you've got to stop all this capraphilia businesss (would capriphilia be love of old fords?).

I imagined you tap dancing and touching a goat, and nearly fell off my chair!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:21, closed)
^^To be honest....
You may be laying in the gutter but I bet your looking at the stars.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:23, closed)
we've all
got reputations now. Quite unjustified. There's more to me than my ladybits.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:23, closed)
CHCB
Taking landlords/agencies to court for unreturned deposits is basically my job, let me know if you need a hand.
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:24, closed)
@CHCB
However, seeing as your ladybits are on display this Naked Thursday, that's all we're noticing...
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:25, closed)
@BGB
*desperately resists temptation to make anus as star joke and further sully undeserved reputation*

*fails*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:26, closed)
@K2K6
*looks*
*whispers*
should that be there? I've never seen one of those before...?

(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:27, closed)
Er, Bert
*whispers back*

Yes it should. Lady monkeys have them too, it's just that they have more monkey fur to hide them.

(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:31, closed)
OoooOh...
*touches*
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:32, closed)
*ignores deviant whispers*
thanks XCD - have gazzed you!
(, Thu 10 Apr 2008, 13:33, closed)

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