Cap Streeter
My great-great (…) grandfather owned Chicago. Don’t believe me (this is B3TA, after all)? Hear me out.

I’m descended from his first marriage – my great-great (…) grandmother ran off with a vaudeville troupe, leaving my g-g-grandfather, “Captian” George Wellington Streeter, to remarry in Chicago. Ever the businessman, he and his new wife purchased a ship so they could illegally run guns to Honduras. Unfortunately, the ship wasn’t up to scratch, and when he took it out for its first spin during a gale storm, it ran aground 450 feet from the Chicago shoreline.

But you can’t keep a good man down, can you. Cap Streeter assessed the situation and decided to use his ship as a dumping ground for all rubble and fill resulting from the Great Chicago Fire and the city’s subsequent rebuild. Eventually he had nearly 200 acres of land which, by this point, had connected to the city of Chicago.

The land was his, he said, to do with what he liked. Using a survey from 50 years previous, he found that his new piece of land was outside both Chicago and Illinois and therefore not subject to their laws. As such, he declared it a separate country, The District of Lake Michigan (a survey of which can be seen here: http://www.capstreeter.com/images/map.jpg.) In his country, prostitution and murder was legal, as long as he was the only one doing the murdering.

His new law came in rather handy when his enemies tried to seize his land. He built his governmental seat – a castle – to replace the ship he had continued to live on. The ground floor of his castle was the official war room, staffed by an army of transients and prostitutes who had come to live in his micronation. Several people were killed when they tried to invade The District of Lake Michigan, some of which Cap Streeter was convicted – and later pardoned - for. Fearing further deaths, the city took Cap Streeter to the courts.

And you probably think the story ends here, that Cap Streeter lost and lived out his days in obscurity. No – although the owner of most of Chicago sued Cap Streeter won the lawsuit, Cap Streeter retained rights and ownership over this land. He finally went to jail for violating liquor laws, and eventually died from pneumonia. His heirs (including me) would still retain rightful ownership over this land, but it was found that the woman doing the fighting, the woman he called ‘his wife’, wasn’t at all. In fact, he was still married to my g-g-grandmother, who was long dead by this point, and my relatives long drunk. As such, litigation ended. More sober portions of my family took this to the courts in the 1940s and lost. Throughout the years, various lawyers as well as the Chicago Title and Trust have contacting us claiming that the land was illegally taken away, that we are the rightful owners. Now we just need to find that spare billion dollars to sort out that sticky issue. Had he actually gotten a divorce, Chicago would be a much different place today, and I wouldn’t be sat here in my office, I’d be having diamond implants put in my arse so I could shit sparkles.

The John Hancock Center, one of the world’s most recognizable buildings and home to Jerry Springer, is built on the exact location of my g-g-grandfather’s castle.

And that, kids, is how you do eccentricity in style.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 14:55, 8 replies)

What if...
everyone on B3ta donated £1 to the cause?

You could take on the city of Chicago and reclaim your land, turning it into some kind of B3tan utopia ... with a kitteh and spurting purple cock for every man, woman and child?!
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:04, closed)

I name it
B3topia.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:14, closed)

Does this mean...
...that I am Princess B3topia?
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 15:29, closed)

As an ex-resident of Chicago
Next time I'm back I'll think of that when I'm shopping at the Water Tower Macys, being as it is, right next door to the Hancock Centre.

V. Interesting. If you do decide to take over Chicago and hand it out to b3tards for safe keeping, can I have Hyde Park please?
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 16:26, closed)

Does it....
...have to be a peaceful takeover?

Right, B3tards, I'm taking bids on Chicago. I'm taking requests starting...now.
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 17:01, closed)

I'm game ...
a nice little apartment somewhere would do me, but could I have an aristocratic title too? Sultana would be nice!
(Penguins_Made_Me_Do_It is a dolt ... and she don't care, Fri 31 Oct 2008, 19:23, closed)

i'm not greedy
enough space for a 20-roomed mansion would do me, along with a troupe of naked, oiled, muscular, smooth-chested men. i would happily share these men with you and make you the finest apple and rhubarb crumbles you have ever tasted. i would like a title, however.
how about Lady Smash, Keeper of The Totty?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 1 Nov 2008, 2:14, closed)

I live in Chicago
And hereby offer my home as HQ of The Revolt!
(herbivorous, Mon 3 Nov 2008, 5:13, closed)