The Worst Birthday Present Ever
Picture the scene, I'm 19. My mates have all got cars. I'm cadging lifts left right and centre, feeling a bit of a div for having to use public transport whilst my buddies are crusing around in their Austin Metros and VW Polos... I WANT A CAR!

As luck would have it, it was my birthday coming up, so my ma and pa relented somewhat, as one early July morning, I awoke to find what else lurking in the driveway but...

...a clapped out, dilapidated and frankly worrying looking 1986 blue Vauxhall Nova.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" scream the folks and I'm given my key, ready for a blast around the local estate blasting out Hip-Hop and swigging from a bottle of Diamond White as all Nova drivers of the time seemed to do.

Except...

"It's not taxed, or tested, it needs a bit of work to make it roadworthy and..."

And?

"You've got to pay for it all. Many Happy Returns!!!".

Brilliant.

Two weeks later, the Nova is roadworthy (a cost of £300), has tax and test (£150) and has had underseal, filler and paint applied (done by myself but still about £50). It's insured (£700!) and covered for (the many) breakdowns (£40).

So in all it cost well over £1000 to get it on the road. Bye-bye Grandad's university money!

But that's not the end of it.

Because within a month, the driveshaft went as I trundled to Meadowhell (if I'd have been on the motorway I'd have died, apparently - still, it cost £50), it needed a new distributor and coil (£20 from the scrappy) and the plugs and points needed doing (£30).

So by now the running total is pushing £1500 and the worst is yet to come.

The alternator went. Then the wipers. The camshaft. Fuel pump. Brakes. Handbrake. Exhaust. Then I had the sheer idiocy to put 4-Star instead of unleaded one hazy New Year's Day. Luckily there was no apparent damage, but it still cost to have the thing flushed out.

Oh, and then the head gasket went.

So, within a year - the brilliant birthday present that my folks (who were never flush with cash, bless them) found for me had cost me the grand total of...

THREE THOUSAND POUNDS. That doesn't include petrol costs, windscreen washer fluid, oil changes, servicing (ha!) car washes, etc...

That wouldn't have been THAT bad, but being a penniless student with penniless folks it basically meant that for the next 2 years of my life I lived on practically gruel and water. I needed the car for work, which was ironic because it was the car that was sucking up all my money from my part-time job and more. If I'd quit my job, I'd have been better off.

And, luckily, I kind of know my way around cars so I saved a bundle on labour costs. In fact, if I ever get on to Mastermind my specialist subject might as well be 'Haynes Car Manuals, 1983-1991 Vauxhall Nova Editions'

What topped it right off was the fact that when it finally died, 18 months after first being in my possession, I had to pay to have it taken off my hands by the scrap yard, who probably made about £200 in scrap from it. Bastards.

The moral of the tale?

There isn't one. But I did get a nosh off an ugly bird in the back it one drunken Saturday night. So kids, there's always a silver lining.

Length? It was dark, she was drunk and I didn't hear any complaints, let's put it that way.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 17:04, 8 replies)

The Moral?
Don't buy a car. Rent one when you need it. Cars are shit :)
( chthonic, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 17:09, closed)

One for the "conned" question...
Then I had the sheer idiocy to put 4-Star instead of unleaded one hazy New Year's Day. Luckily there was no apparent damage, but it still cost to have the thing flushed out.

Hate to break it to you, but if the four-star nozzle will physically fit, it means you don't have a catalytic converter - I can't think of a Nova model that does. In which case, it'll run just fine on four-star...
(gordonjcp, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 18:57, closed)

4-star
It definitely ran on unleaded. Trust me, it happened.
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Thu 25 Oct 2007, 19:29, closed)

Hmm
My Nova has a catalytic converter. In fact, it has a brand new one after it decided to suck the old one into it's exhaust pipe, chew it up, and spit it out the back.

I can sympathise with this story all too well.
(Simanenyee (killed to bits), Thu 25 Oct 2007, 19:31, closed)

the best bit:
"But I did get a nosh off an ugly bird in the back it one drunken Saturday night."

funny sbit
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 26 Oct 2007, 2:20, closed)

A 1986 Nova
wouldn't have had a catalytic converter. So despite being able to run on unleaded, it would have run as well, or possibly better, on 4 star.

I used to run my 1984 Cavalier on unleaded, because it was cheaper, but 4 star worked fine too.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 26 Oct 2007, 8:50, closed)

Haynes Car Manuals
Known in the trade as the "Haynes Book of Lies"...
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Fri 26 Oct 2007, 10:16, closed)

Balls
So I didn't have to get it flushed out then?

Bollocks.

Never mind, just adds to the story!!!
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Fri 26 Oct 2007, 10:20, closed)