Question:
Would setting a camera flash off, directly into my eye, blind me?

Answer: Yes, albeit temporarily.

Still not sure what I was trying to prove with that one.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:49, Reply)

Forget 9 volt batteries...
...what happens when you put a fully charged camera flash capacitor on your tounge?

I couldn't taste anything for three weeks.
(Half of Stephen Fry's right buttock pissed on your dog on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:45, Reply)

not for the fashion-squeamish
18 years ago I experimented with Morten Harket-style hair and stubble.

members.aol.com/xsgerry/ohmygod.jpg

just found the negative and wasn't going to take it into a camera developing place, NO way, so improvised my own lightbox with a window, sheet of blank A4 and cling film. And 'Negative Image' on PSP of course...
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:43, 3 replies)

Yet another experiment sans point
When I was wee Powervator I thought that if I really believed in myself, if I really concentrated, that I could fly.

I quite liked hospital.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:39, 2 replies)

At night....
on a road you know well (preferably a straight one) see how long you can keep your headlights turned off for. bonus points if you're breaking the speed limit at the same time.
(Ktulu O'Ryleh float like a turd, sting like chlamydia, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:35, 4 replies)

Crash Test Idiot
Not me but a lad called Ivan who was one of the lads I used to hang about with as a kid in the 80's as I lived in the country and wasn't exactly spoiled for choice when it came to friends.

We were going up and down a driveway on our Grifters going over a pathetic little ramp which isn't all it's cracked up to be as you can't really get much air on a two wheeled tank so he decided a much better thing to do would be to test his dads crash helmet by going straight into the side of a stone barn.

After 100 yards of trying to get up to top speed he smacked into the wall tyre first followed by his head and the noise was horrendous then he dropped to the ground moaning whilst we all pissed ourselves.

10 minutes later he was on his his feet and asking if anyone else wanted a go at attempting to lose the use of our legs but we gave it a miss and went to climb a tree or something.

I don't know if this had anything to do with the fact that throughout the rest of Primary school he was a total basket case and was off with problems in his neck on a regular basis but it could just have been that he was an inbred fuckwit.
(Harold's hip man!!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:30, Reply)

Not pointless, not really an experiment...
...but a fun little tale nonetheless.

I worked for a Major Corporation at one point as a co-op student, getting work experience as I went to school. I worked in the Quality Control lab where we tested samples of plastic for strength in various ways. One of these involved liquid nitrogen, so we had a five foot tall tank of that shit sitting there in the lab.

One day I noticed that I had a small wart on the side of my right index finger. Being the son of a dermatologist I knew how these were removed- Dad uses a small gizmo that's a metal tank with a tube sticking off the front and a trigger-actuated valve. You pour in the liquid nitrogen, screw the top onto the tank, and the expanding nitrogen inside pressurizes it so that when you pull the trigger a needle thin jet of liquid nitrogen comes out. It looks something like this:



Well, I didn't have one of those. But I also knew that you can do the same thing with a cotton swab...

I got a metal container, put a bunch of liquid nitrogen in it, waited until the fog cleared enough to see that I needed more, put in more, then took one of those wooden-handled Q-tips that they had in the lab and dropped it, cotton end first, into the liquid nitrogen and waited a few moments for it to get cold enough to transport the stuff. I then took a drop of liquid nitrogen and applied it to the wart.

Felt like a red-hot needle.

The idea is to give a very localized case of frostbite- warts are caused by a virus, so you need to kill the tissue. One little dab with liquid nitrogen wasn't going to be enough. So I repeated the process another few times to be sure.

One of the lab techs came in and saw me doing this, and looked at me like I had seven antlers on my head. I was gritting my teeth by this time, but I still gave her a grin. A manic, lock-jawed rictus of pain and glee that must have made me look like a death's head.

It worked nicely- the spot turned black and eventually peeled off, and it hasn't happened again- but the lab techs looked wary for days.

Maybe that was due to me sloshing the rest of the liquid nitrogen across the floor and laughing at the rolling fog bank...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:27, 7 replies)

god bless science
Well I tried quitting eating once when I had no cash 'cos I'd spent it all on booze. But the cold turkey's a bitch. I couldn't stand up after 3 days.

And I decided, when upon the blessed dole, to allow my own body to decide bedtime. Result - 36 hours awake, 12 hours asleep, with a 1/2 hour nap in the middle of the awake bit. Left me feeling blinding good.

And I tried to invent the ideal sandwich. After several weeks of trying a variety of combinations, it turned out to be everything I like covered in melted cheese. Should really have seen that one coming.

And as has been previously documented, whilst a wee nipper I disproved the old myth of there being a chemical in swimming pools that would turn wee-wee blue, by hearty experimentation. Repeatedly.
(pussell rarker, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:26, Reply)

rode the wagon
went without alcohol for 6 years....got paroll last week
(lezza, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:25, 2 replies)

*Ponders*
Equipment -

1 70cl bottle of smirnoff vodka.
1 small bottle of "Liquid Gold" poppers.
1 year of suffering in silence.
1 cheating wife with brand new yellow Punto.
1 fat man with brand new silver Micra.
1 Sharp piece of metal.

Conclusions: Shame may preclude a person from telephoning the police when discovering a drunken, popper fuelled spurned ex husband dancing up and down their driveway liberally scratching two brand new cars at half past three in the morning

It is also amazing how many spittles will fit onto a nissan micra.

Hey ho.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:25, 1 reply)

Auto fellatio horror
Much as this story has a definite whiff of urban legend about it, I can assure you that it came from a very reliable source (my best friend at 6th form college, who was good friends with the victim's younger brother) and was confirmed by several other people who'd been at school with the unfortunate lad.

Our protagonist, let's call him Tom, was 15 years old, and at that stage when masturbation is an all-consuming passion. When he wasn't wanking, he was thinking about wanking, and constantly coming up with new and innovative ways to crack one out.

One day, Tom decided that he would try sucking his own cock. Now, I bet lots of you have tried this, discovered that you just couldn't bend forward far enough, and let the matter rest. Not Tom. He tried so hard to suck his own cock that he slipped a disc and got totally stuck, in complete agony, bollock naked, with his head halfway to his crotch. It was blindingly obvious to any independent observer what he had been trying to do.

He was found in this compromising position by his mother, who then had to take him to A&E, still with his head halfway to his crotch, so it was bloody obvious to everybody in the waiting room how he sustained his injury.

Then his little brother told the entire school about it the next day.

Can anybody beat that for an embarrassing moment?
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:23, 4 replies)

Tizer
Not dangerous, just pointless - me and a mate got into an argument about what colour Tizer is. His ridiculous assertion was that it was orange instead of red. So we photographed a glass of it with some white card behind it, imported it into PSP, and lo and behold, it's closer to #FF7F000 than it is to #FF0000. Something's very wrong there.
( JimM, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Cleaveland Steam roller
looks at chest...

remembers

cries...

:^(
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:20, 1 reply)

Oops, hate to be a QOTW whore but
I also experimented with the heavy, slow accellerating but overall fast choice of transport in Mariokart. This can work really well if you're skilled enough to never bump into anything or anyone else that brings you to a halt.

I already know I haz none of those skillz, so it was the most painfull 150cc Mushroom Cup I ever dared to participate in.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:15, 1 reply)

I tend to enjoy electric shocks myself.
Three examples:

I once put one of those current transformers in my mouth, to see what happened. I lost my taste for an hour, and got a tingly sensation.

A few years ago, I found out that if I lick the lock part of my laptop, it tingles, so I electrocuted myself a few times doing this.

And a year or so ago, I wondered "What happens if I touch the glowing part in the toaster with this knife." I electrocuted myself a bit, and thankfully the toaster was under warranty.


Oh, and one point I made an electromagnet using the mains electricity. I was trying to find a way to tidy up some wires, so I wrapped them around the metal thing holding the tv up, I'd wrapped several wires around the same metal thing, in the same direction. When I turned it on, and touched it, it made me feel a bit high and rather nauseous. So now we have a stick of wood in the kitchen, with several wires wrapped around it.
( Rev. Cleo still alive, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:09, 6 replies)

While Unemployed
and sleeping in the spare room at a friends house while got my act together I found myself going bed later and later, thanks in no small part to b3ta.
It got to the point that I was still going strong at 8am when said friend was getting up to go to work. I soon got sick of being nocturnal and decided that the only course of action was to stay up 2 days straight, get an early night on the second day and wake up bright and early the following day, however in retrospect this was not a good idea as I am epileptic.
My friend came home from work to find me having the mother of all fits on the living room floor, blue in the face and thrashing around in the smashed remains of his lava lamp. I woke up in the ambulance and was later informed that I was close to death as I'd stopped breathing. Thank god you came home when you did Neil.
( P3L3 is not my real name., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:09, Reply)

Could describe all my PhD experiments....
*weeps*
(Peljammy Watching Godzilla, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:07, Reply)

The fried moth conundrum
I arrived home after a few beers and being a bit peckish I looked in the fridge, and to much happiness, I found half a pack of bacon.

After I'd got all the bacon sarnie ingredients out and the frying pan had warmed up, I stuck in the bacon and turned around to get a drink.

Then I heard a weird flutter and plop noise, the culprit was an unfortunate moth that had landed in the hot oil and bacon'y goodness.

I fished it out, but it's day's of lightbulb harassing were well and truly over.

Looking at the moth carcus in my hand, I had, for the briefest of moments the thought, "It's dead, already a bit fried, maybe I could chuck it back in for a bit, make sure it's good and crispy, and eat it. It's hardly like people don't eat this stuff anyway"

So dear reader, did I go through with my pointless experiment and fry & eat a moth?
No, of course not, I had a bacon sarnie to eat instead. However, I do feel the story would of gone a different route if the amount of alcohol consumed had been higher.
(ShiftyBastard won the World Cup on World Soccer Champs 2010!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:01, 2 replies)

I thought it was pointless
The other day I experimentally tried to break into a friend's laptop. Surely his Windows password won't be his name... it is. Result.

So I experimentally took a look at his internet history - surely there won't be anything incriminating in there. Everyone knows how to wipe their history, don't they? It turns out that amateurspankings.com, and other such sites, beg to differ.

So actually my experiment wasn't pointless at all! Woo (insert broken pencil joke).
(Ed Quarters has moved house!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:00, 1 reply)

Things you can learn working at *deleted pharmaco name here*
If you get liquid nicotine out of the chemicals storage cupboard and paint it onto the door handles on the campus, you can start people smoking as the stuff goes straight through the skin and starts the insidious process of addiction.

Allegedly.
(davywavy, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 16:00, 2 replies)

Slugtricity
EXPERIMENT 1: Summer 1981

EQUIPMENT: Empty matchbox, tin/aluminium foil, 1.5V D-size Duracell, battery holder, 2 x crocodile clip leads (1 red, 1 black), 3cm copper rod, slug.

METHOD: Use empty matchbox "drawer", line with foil. Connect foil to one side of battery using crocodile clip lead. Connect other terminal to copper rod. Insert slug into tray. Prod slug with copper rod.

RESULTS: Pissed off looking slug with a horrible criss-crossed network of ugly white scars. No spasming muscles, like the frog's leg we did in biology last week.

CONCLUSION: Edison had much more fun with an elephant and high-voltage AC electricity.

EXPERIMENT 2: Summer 1981 (a bit later)

EQUIPMENT: Snail, heavy duty ceramic door knob, bangers from France smuggled back from school trip.

METHOD: Place banger in hole running through door knob. Light banger. Place snail on top of hole. Retire to safe distance.

RESULTS: The amazing disappearing snail trick.

CONCLUSION: There will never be a snail in space, as the acceleration required to leave the earth's gravitational field turns them into a sort of flaky grey snow.
( Doctor When May your wife shat and chipper, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:56, 1 reply)

Boom!
This is one I tried about 20 years ago...

Remember those green bulbs containing compressed CO2 that went into soda syphons? I nicked one from my grandparent's cupboard, wrapped it in strips of old towel doused in WD40 and lit it at the bottom of my mum and dad's garden

I cautiously watched from behind the shed, peering out with my safety glasses (ski goggles from the trip in second year) when all of a sudden an explosion boomed out sending what seemed like a shock wave around the neighbourhood. About 5 of the neighbours came running out wondering what was going on.

"What was that? Did you hear that?" the woman next door asked. "Dunno" I replied, "probably a car backfiring or something."
"Oh, er...OK......Erm, why are you wearing skiing goggles?"
(Taunting Lunatics Belming at you since, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:50, Reply)

Watersports.
Not as fun as it looks, you may be surprised to learn.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:50, 6 replies)

Some more from my youth
Cutting my own hair- 'Hey, how difficult can it be'? Answer.... very (especially when 10)

After shave when a mid-teen. Dad's old spice? Hai Karate? I settled for something called 'Mandate' without thinking that it sounds like you want to date a man.

Running the LP of Piece of Mind by Iron Maiden backwards to find out what Satanic message they were trying to put into kid's minds, only to find it was Nicko McBrain saying something like 'For two, said a man with three bones' (Wikipedia says it was 'What Ho said the man with the three bonce' as 'said' by Idi Amin in the Alan Coren 'collected broadcasts of...') in a Jamaican accent. Normal record styli don't like going backweards and after a few times, the LP didn't like it either.

After reading 'british woodland plants and flowers' where it gave helpful descriptions of which plants had odd effects myself and a couple of science-y school friends wanted to extract the active ingredients out of Dill, Valerian and Monkshood (although the last one would have been pretty toxic- after all, digitalis comes from Foxglove) but didn't have the neccessary apothecary skills, so we just tried to make a tincture by marinading dried dill and valerian root in alcohol. Well, specifically, bacardi. I didn't have a chance to sample the finished product (we wanted super-spy knock-out juice but agreed it would be unwise to try out on anyone else first) but Fletch volounteered- complained that it did nothing and was like eating grass...I tried to explain that he should have filtered it first...

I also experimented with trying to like pop music in the 1980s but fortunately my brother had lots of the aforementioned Iron Maiden albums around, and 90125 by Yes, so I put down the Brothers In Arms and went down the heavy metal / prog rock path. And am still on it 20 years later.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:46, 2 replies)

I have a friend
who, amazingly, has grown into a well rounded individual. When we were wee tots, you could quite easily have imagined him growing into some sort of serial murderer. As a matter of fact I haven't seen him for a while so it might be the case, but I digress.

My mate was very fond of experiments. He once made home made alcohol (we were about 14 at the time) and when he discovered the resulting "liquid" was an undrinkable yeasty poison, poured it in some grass across from his house. All 2 litres of it. The whole street reeked of yeast for two weeks.

But his best experiment ever was the one which makes me think he may have a secret stash of dead bodies somewhere. I had gone to his house one day to play his PC. "Wait til I show you this" he grinned, between hula hoops and led me to the kitchen. Opening the freezer, he reached in and pulled out a plastic box misted over with frost. Opening it, he reached in and carefully lifted out a frozen daddy long legs (cranefly, not the spider. Or jenny meggy as we call them). He carefully transported his frozen subject to the kitchen worktop, where he produced a square battery and two wires. He proceeded, in silence, to attach the wires to the battery and attempt to revive the still frost jenny meggy.

I stood there aghast as he said "I haven't managed it yet...."

I suspect by now he has a chest freezer.
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:43, Reply)

Drunken Master...
My friend theorised that all it took to do a Jackie Chan style run up and over a wall was sufficient speed and belief... he was wrong, much to my amusement he ran straight into the wall and bounced of slightly stunned!

I found out on the same night that just because you can climb the wooden trelis and the beams at the top are parallel doesn't mean you can do the parallel bars like those olympic fellas... if, like me, you are 6 foot something and your weight vastly out does your upperbody strength you will get halfway across before gravity takes a special and personal interest in you, gently persuading you to return 7 foot to the floor post-haste carving up the inside of your arms on the way down on the wooden beams!

Apparently drunkeness is no substitute for martial arts skill, gymnastic training, or basic physical fitness!
( Sunburnt Tiger Herbie goes Piranhas!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:42, Reply)

Confectionery
I once tried making my own home-made sweets using pear cider. They tasted rank, and had the side-effect of making me go out and sleep with women for no reason whatsoever.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:31, 4 replies)

I tried an experiment…

To see how far I could shove my fist up someone’s arse. Unfortunately, the answer was ‘not as far as you think’, and subsequently the test subject died. This left me with no alternative but to lob him into my swimming pool and feign innocence.

Still…everyone’s forgotten about it now.

Love,

Michael Barrymore.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:29, 7 replies)

Sherbert Fountain
Way back in the day, on the school bus, we thought we'd do an experiment with sherbert fountains and Mountain Dew (remember that?..)

We got one of our stupider classmates to pour a whole sherbert fountain in his mouth and then wash it down with the sickly fizzy drink and try to hold it in his mouth.

Result of experiment: A frothing mixture of Sherbert/pop came out of his nose and ran down his front, while he started crying.

When he put his trousers on the radiator to dry that night, the mixture baked solid so the clothes were stiff as a board.

Probably best you don't try it.

I'm not even sure what we were trying to prove..
(mejt, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:29, 1 reply)

Remember remember, the sixth of November
What happens, we asked, if a group of bored teenaged herberts throws a half-full five-litre can of Castrol GTX on the remains of the village November 5th bonfire the following morning?

Result:

- mushroom cloud
- shattered windows up to 200 yards away
- loads of blue flashing lights
- formerly bored teenage herberts running away and hiding

Conclusion:

- "My dad's got another can in his shed"
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 15:24, 4 replies)