More explosions and fire
I spent a lot of my childhood out of school, being the runt of the litter with a very weak pair of lungs. Living on the west coast of Ireland didn't really help matters, come winter and that was it, sick for months. As I got older my parents got used to me wheezing and coughing phlegm everywhere, so they decided the best thing was to trust me to curl up on the couch and wait for the TV to start by myself. (for those of you who are not from Ireland, we had one channel that started at 3 p.m and finished at 12, a prayer at bedtime followed by the national anthem, nutty times.)
So, to make a short story long, during the winter I was given the responsibility of lighting the fire. All was going well, due to the supervision I was getting, nothing to report.. until,
My folks had to go shopping in town, "Knackerz, light the fire and for heavens sake be careful"
My parents were tight, all the people back then were, fire-lighters were for the aristocracy. So after many failed attempts to light the fire with newspaper and damp twigs, I decided that a can of air freshener would hurry things up. As I had already done the homemade flame thrower thing with an aerosol and a lighter, I was confident enough that this plan would work, resulting in a warm fire and uber-proud parents. (sorry about the lack of umlauts)
No lighter to be found, shite. But the newspaper was still smoldering, and I has a couple of emergency matches. I proceeded to start spraying and spraying and spraying, to no avail. Better get in closer, of course, that's the peoblem. Half a can gone, three quarters, nearly all, SHITE, the floks are back, and the room smells like a chinese brothel.
There's only one thing for it, light the newspaper with the matches and hope that the residue from the air-freshener will "take". And did it take? Did it fuck? The air-freshener had been building up in the chimney all along, a whole aerosol can of it, with my head in the fireplace. Just as my parents got out of the car, they were greeted by a jet of flame out of the top of the chimney, a loud bang and a scream. When they got in the door, they saw smoke and soot all over the living room, a stink of "spring meadows" and their son with no eyebrows, eyelashes or hair, complete with an "Al Johnson" blackened up face.
Did the fire light? nope, it was scattered all over the carpet, due to the explosion, I was thrown a few feet too.
You would think I had learned my lesson, but a few weeks later I was caught running around the house with my light saber (the poker left in the fire for 20 minutes was glowing hot).

Length? after getting singed, quite short.
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:42, 3 replies)

Knackers
Everybody calls them 'pikeys' nowadays. I'm in Limerick - are you still west of Ireland residing?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:46, closed)

Got outta dodge long ago
Nope, in Japan, completely knacker/pikey/chav free. Big bloody earthquake last night though.
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:51, closed)

Nice one.
Check out this proud Irishman -

www.bebo.com/tokeDATshit
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 13:53, closed)