I was a bit of a pyromaniac as a kid
but also a very responsible one. My godbrother had managed to burn down a farm a couple of years before, so I knew that making fire out in the fields could result in a smacked bottom (and an embarrassing trip to the fire station and farmer's house to make a full confession).

My parents have a thatched cottage, so making flames in my room was also obviously not an option.

Where to indulge myself in flamey joy then? Where my parents wouldn't catch me? Why, the bathroom of course! Fully tiled, not terribly flammable, and of course there's a handy supply of water if things get a bit too hot.

So I used to pile up loo paper in the loo itself, resting on the turd-shelf, and set fire to it. I'd feed the conflagration with more and more loo paper; when the flames looked like they were getting too high, I'd simply flush the loo and drown the fire. Perfect!

I spent a few very happy weeks doing this, whilst my mother got increasingly worried that I'd caught some kind of bowel disease? After all, how else do you explain spending an hour in the bathroom, flushing repeatedly and using up 2 rolls of loo paper?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 16:11, 3 replies)

@Bob
Your parents have a German toilet?
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 16:16, closed)

yup i did exactly the same
until i got my timing wrong, my mum had the squits and I chose to use the only bathroom in the house
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 16:16, closed)

Not a german loo
but you know there's a little shelf at the front, wtih a gently slope? I put them on there.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 16:52, closed)