I had
a whole box of Black Cat Fireworks and my parents were out of town! I had the whole house to myself and, not having many friends or hobbies, decided to see what those babies could do. The first attempt was not a success: the black cube fizzled, sparked and died. In retrospect, this was probably a good idea, as I was for some reason trying this indoors...on my own bed. I took the Black Cats outside only to be disappointed with similar results. These fireworks were weak, children's toys, I'd been conned. I had purchased eight boxes of them hoping to have some riotous fun during Spring Break while everyone was away and now...

But I wonder what happens when you just dump all of them out of the box and light the whole heaping pile? I couldn't think of anything else to do with them, really, so I did just that.

Hssssss!!!! WOOOOSH!!! The pile went up in flame, igniting rapidly, exploding into the sky! It was monumental! It was not what I would have expected at all. I was thrilled, even as smoke barrelled into the house and rose alarmingly into the sky, and I rejoiced in the fire before getting the hose and quickly putting out the inferno.

I don't know why I tried anything like this, really, as during that time my mom's husband was a REAL asshole. He once screamed at me for two hours because I accidentally got ketchup on the lid of the ketchup bottle during dinner. And as soon as I put out the fire I realized I was DEAD: there was now a big black spot where I had dumped the Black Cats.

I tried everything. I scrubbed at it with soap and water and even nicked a tube of White-Out Correction Fluid, poured the whole bottle on the cement hoping it would...I dunno...white out my crime. Of course, it did not work.

I spent the rest of my days very nervous and very quiet, waiting for them to come home and notice the alarmning black spot on the cement. My mom noticed it immediately after coming home.

Mom: What's this black spot? What happened here?
Her asshole husband: Oh, that? That's always been there, hasn't it?
Mom: Oh, maybe you're right.


So that's the experiment: first an experiment in fire and explosions and secondly a psychological experiment that I am pleased to say I learned a lot from, as I never got caught and was thus never punished for nearly burning the house down.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Thu 24 Jul 2008, 23:42, Reply)