I don't know why
but the only ideas for stories I've thought of for this question seem to be about sex. I clearly don't do enough non-sex based experimentation, oh well.

About a month ago, the Mrs and I were doing the thing she does when she puts her mouth around the Sexmonkey goo-producing-meat-stick^tm. There was some squelching, some slurping, a little bit of moaning (from me) and finally, a little swallow.

Soon after Mrs Sexmonkey had consumed a certain quantity of my alabaster tubby custard, the conversation turned to the taste, and how eating certain foodstuffs is supposed to improve this somewhat.
I'm not sure if this was Mrs Sexmonkey's subtle, lady-like way of saying, 'Your spunk tastes like a rancid Frenchman's fetid faeces,' but I set about a plan of action anyway.

In the three weeks that followed I ate pineapple chunks soaked in their own juices every day, I drank pineapple juice with every meal, sometimes between meals too, and in the few days leading up to my next visit from Mrs Sexmonkey, I worked my way through three whole fresh pineapples, on top of all the juice and tinned fruit that I was eating.
I don't even particularly like pineapples, they're too sweet and sticky, and I changed my usually quite poor diet to a much more healthy one, full of fruit and vegetables, so as not to ruin my pineapple-based experiment.
My piss became very sweet-smelling, and I was sure that my experiment would produce a pleasingly positive conclusion.

Mrs Sexmonkey returned, and we engaged in our usual bedroom habits...

*sound of squeaking bedsprings and moaning*

*quick grunt*

'Well....?' I turned to my lovely Mrs.
'Well, what?' she replied, confused.
'Did it taste any better? -I've been practically living off pineapples since I last saw you,' I asked, hoping that my man juice had been magically transformed into a sweet-flavoured paste, which I'd literally have to fight women off in the street to protect.

'Meh. Doesn't taste any different...' she answered, without even a hint of pleasure in her voice.

'...anyway, aren't pineapples only supposed to improve the taste of a woman?'

'Oh, cockbiscuits.'
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 12:55, 24 replies)

Definitely pointless...
But gets a *click* purely for:

"Sexmonkey goo-producing-meat-stick™"
( snee held his breath since, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 12:59, closed)

Bert
I think we've all had quite enough of your penis for now.

In my experience, all blokes taste different anyway. Some are sweet, some are flavourless, some make you want to gag.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:04, closed)

@Eminem
Shut up, you well love my cock.

I wouldn't know about how other men taste, but I've been with quite a few different women give me completely different descriptions of the stuff.

EDIT anyway, how are you doing?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:07, closed)

fruit
The more fruit you eat the more its supposed to change the taste. Thats wot I heard in any case :)
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:08, closed)

Sexmonkey
Really, your cock can go away now.

Also, for the sake of science, could you not just try different diets and spaff into your hand for a taster session.

FOR SCIENCE.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:10, closed)

@weekirst
Well, my experiment clearly proves that that is utter bollocks.

I normally live on crap and junk food, but for almost a whole month I dined on mostly fruit, vegetables, and far too much pineapple, it didn't even make the slightest bit of difference.

EDIT @MM Who says I haven't? In the name of Science (and because I felt bad about ladies having to eat something that I personally wouldn't), I may or may not have already tried my own come.

I also may or may not have accidentally got some in my own eye once too.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:11, closed)

From Eurotrash..
..I always thought that eating bananas changes the taste of man milk?

Well - thats what some dodgy frenchman said..
(ldwater otherwise known as a 'jive turkey', Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:12, closed)

I am vaguely disappointed
that on this tenuous premise, my bloke's does not taste of pork scratchings.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:35, closed)

Cinnamon
Can be tasted in the secretions of both sexes, and curry and red meat diets make boy juice taste foul, according to those I know who make a study of such things.
(davywavy, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:40, closed)

hmm,
What about Garlic?

Being half-French I eat an inordinate amount of garlic. I've been known to munch it raw when stoned (sick, I know). I probably get through 4 or 5 cloves a day... yet nobody has ever commented that I taste French.

Were they being polite, girls?
( rofl harris, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:49, closed)

CHCB
If that were true, you'd miss the crunchiness.
( Madam Marlboro wonders if you've found her yet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:51, closed)

I heard...

.. it was celery that was supposed to do the job. You won't catch me eating that though. Firstly, it tastes foul, and secondly, it's negative calories. You'd actually die quicker if you were locked in a room full and ate some than if you just sat there. That's lame.
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:51, closed)

Bert

You're pretty lucky - I heard somewhere that excess pineapple eating could be dangerous, so just checked on Wiki. Just look:

"Pineapple contains a proteolytic enzyme bromelain, which digests food by breaking down protein. Pineapple juice can thus be used as a marinade and tenderizer for meat. The enzymes in pineapples can interfere with the preparation of some foods, such as jelly or other gelatin-based desserts. These enzymes can be hazardous to someone suffering from certain protein deficiencies or disorders, such as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. Pineapples should also not be consumed by those with Hemophilia or by those with kidney or liver disease, as it may reduce the time taken to coagulate a consumer's blood."

So DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

We love you too much.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 13:58, closed)

Aw, Che
I love you too.

I didn't know any of that, I really should conduct a little more research before I carry out experiments on myself in future.
I didn't suffer any ill side effects though, just a sweet-smelling wee-wee.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:23, closed)

Enzyme? In a pineapple?
Take that back, sir, or I shall be forced to demand satis...

Oh. Enzymes
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:34, closed)

Haha!
Enzyme cuts holes in fruit and obtains sexual satisfaction by inserting his penis into their cold, sticky flesh.

*looks at chcb*

You fruit, you.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:40, closed)

ASPARAGUS!!!!!


No, I wasn't just looking for a time and place to shout "ASPARAGUS!!!!!" It's fairly common knowledge that it will temporarily cause your micturate to smell a little odd, but I'm fairly sure it changes the consistency of one's 'custard.' This is based on a representative sample of one person eating asparagus a few times, and I have no idea whether the taste changes at all.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 14:47, closed)

asparagus
yeah, don't inflict that one on anyone unless you want to break up with them.
( sudo is bored, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:12, closed)

I thought

that aspapragus was supposed to be an aphrodisiac as opposed to 'changing the taste of one's custard'?

This has definitely got me thinking. There really is a gap in the market and millions to be made for the person who can design a food/pill that changes the flavour of your spaff.

Millions, I tell thee...
( Turquoise Hexagon Sun has just dropped acid on, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 15:16, closed)

well...
If you smoke and/or drink, that's liable to overpower any pineapple goodness ;)


(Pineapple works - I've tried it!)
(DjArcas, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 17:41, closed)

@Sexmonkey
I consider myself a vegetable, thankyouverymuch.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 18:33, closed)

A sexy vegetable?
Well I never.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:23, closed)

sad to report...
the pineapple enzyme is denatured by pasteurisation...
so tinned fruit and cartonned juice have no adverse effects on digestion or kidney function or stuff, also no beneficial meat tenderising effects either.
you need to stick with the fresh stuff.
yippee and boo-hoo in equal measure.
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 22:17, closed)