I am crap as a girl
I'm allergic to fake tan. Since I have no desire to resemble an oompa loompa, I'm perfectly happy about this, though the one time I did want to look glowingly bronzed for my friend's wedding, I ended up with blotchy, itchy, lumpy red shins and had to drown my sorrows with bellinis, champagne, and the bride's brother who was fortunately more interested in the area above my knees.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:12, 12 replies)

you drank
the brides mother?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:13, closed)

nooo
I drank with the bride's brother who was drowning his sorrows at being all single and lonely at his sister's wedding.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:19, closed)

oh brother.
Did you just ninja that?

Why was he interested in the lower part of your thighs? Did he not like the look of your mimsy?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:21, closed)

what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm a classy act and no mistake. Mimsy is a off-limits 'til at least the first date.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:33, closed)

yeah you go girl
ain't no man gonna get his hands on our messiahs jubbly bits until he's bought her at least two lambrinis. Oh no.

*moves head sideways*

*circles pointed finger in the air*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:43, closed)

two lambrinis?
Nay - a packet of pork scratchings and a pint of Old Codger.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:51, closed)

CHCB
Yay! I too am allergic to fake tan. Particularly the stuff that you put on in a moisturiser which develops into a delightful biscuity colour over time. Or in my case developed into a bright red swollen itchy face and decolletage area, lumpy red shins and a trip to A and E for a steriod injection and the application of much steriod cream.

I've since discovered that I'm also allerigc to any face wash that claims to remove fine lines and wrinkles. This too ended in a trip to a dermatologist, a tub of steroid cream and a $400 bill for my troubles.

Pale and interesting, with a wrinkly grubby face for me from now on then...
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:59, closed)

^
yes! That builds-to-a-tan stuff! Builds-to-infection is more like it. Bah.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:06, closed)

yeah that's what i'm talkin' 'bout
you know where it is at girlfriendz.

*gestures head more violently*
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:11, closed)

Well, *dons labcoat and glasses*
the problem is Dihydroxyacetone (DHA) and also Erthyulose which react with the top dead layer of skin and can cause contact dermitis in some people.

So there. Try to avoid any product containing DHA and you should be fine. I also have to avoid topical salicylic acid as that aggrevates my pathetically weak skin.
(Rakky (forgot her password) The muffin maverick, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:13, closed)

Go Rakky, Go Rakky
*dances MC Hammer walking while standing still stylee*

lovin' the science.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:26, closed)

Soooo, not just me then
tried the Johnston's version - lovely rash it gave me. Which I scratched to bleeding-point whilst asleep. Had to wear trousers to my god-son's first communion.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:40, closed)