Casual Counterfeit
When i was but a little underage Spimf, knocking around pubs and clubs in Glasgow, the little bit of bumfluff on my top lip was often not enough secure entry into some of the more discerning meat markets. But back then most places would accept a photocopy of a birth certificate as proof of age - probably because Glasgow bouncers were scary but not anywhere near as formidable as Glasgow mums: "whit! you want tae go galavantin around with your Birth Certificate? Pfft! You can forget it boyo!"

With the aid of some Tippex, a fountain pen, some calligraphic skills and a photocopier I soon became the 'man to see' at school for fake ID's. I did a roaring trade.

In the time between school and going to art college I took a summer job at a photocopier sales firm. This was in the days before photoshop or even full colour photocopiers. Copiers that could print red blue and green as well as black were state of the art. Naturally i put this to good use.

Then, as Bob Dylan once said 'One day the axe just fell' not with the summer job but when THAT envelope dropped through letterbox one fine sunny morning - one of grades I required to get into art college was lacking - I already had a provisional acceptance. FUCKSOCKS!

My world collapsed - I felt sick. So i took the creative option - I bumped up a C to a B in modern studies. This sounds dreadful but i had to let my mother know - she knew my grades too. But going to art college was all i ever wanted to do so reluctantly she became complicit. So I got in, did well and was even tipped for a first. But on the day i was was taken aside by the course director and told no one was getting a first that year because too many had been given the previous year and 'eyebrows had been raised'. So I got a 2:1 probably poetic justice.

Since then I have carved out a successful career as a designer. I don't feel guilty because ever since, the work i have produced has always been judged on merit.

I still have the old skills though - much improved with photoshop and colour laser printers at my disposal. I've saved a couple of grand on my monthly train ticket - I bought one initialy then simply scanned and amended dates as required. I got a real buzz the first time i let the ticket bloke see it (the route i take doesn't involve scanning - just a quick eyeball from the barrier guard). I even outfox those NCP Nazi's - i have a ticket set up with every day date etc on a photoshop layer. Takes less than a minute to print off a ticket before i leave each evening. Even that saves around 160 quid a month.

Every little helps

!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:39, 13 replies)

It's people like you
that make me wish I could do this. Sadly no amount of clever printing can fill my car with petrol.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:55, closed)

"no one was getting a first that year because too many had been given the previous year"
er, not sure what kind of place you studied but I can assure you that there's usually fairly involved calculations surrounding degree classes and we tend not to dish them out on a seasonal whim...
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 16:59, closed)

@ crackhouseceilidhband
i appreciate that. we had a dissertation that was part of the mark but this was largely not an academic course - there was an external assesor who's opionion went for a lot but how do you mark artistic and creative abilities? When it comes to this is what what said to me and to be honest it matters not a jot - my degree mark has never got me a job - its always been my portfolio and skills.

i can feel you 'bristle' through the screen though - sorry crackers i'm just a dodgy little weegie fucker (who beat the system)

and congrats on your Phd
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:05, closed)

christ al!
theres a lot to cover there with that Kirsty one - keep your fluids up mate

you could hang a wet duffel coat on them..

farm1.static.flickr.com/8/12706037_bf893e4db2.jpg
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:15, closed)

After a fair bit of trying
I managed to produce an almost exact replica of a monthly pass. Saved me passing on nearly 2 grand a year to those thieving fuckers at Scotrail.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:21, closed)

go Stu71 go Stu71 go Stu71 go Stu71 go Stu71 go Stu71
scotrail - those are the fuckers i duped too!

muppets!
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:22, closed)

It's a piece of piss...

The ticket monkeys don't even look at it that closely.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:24, closed)

oh i give them a niiiiiice long look
nice wee buzz at first though
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:24, closed)

Tickets
While I'd be the first to appreciate a good bit of photoshop based mischief - just a quick warning - the ticket monkeys are getting wise to the fake ticket scam since being given new ticket machines.
Just the other day a colleague of mine had to give evidence in court at the trial of someone who was using photoshoped tickets and rail warrants.

120 hours of community service and £1500 to pay back to the railway.

Just saying....
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 17:48, closed)

^
Thanks for the warning Coopsweb, how easy is it to spot?
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 10 Jul 2008, 18:04, closed)

A word of warning:
If your bus/train ever is boarded by conductors, who carry out a thorough inspection of everyone's tickets and passes, and you're in possession of a forged ticket, always pretend to have lost your ticket and take the £20 standard fare. They have the ability to enter the unique ID on their machines and verify if it is valid. (In Manchester anyway...)

Read a story in the paper about a lad who got caught doing this and got royally fucked!

Not worth it!
(gin'll fix it, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 10:26, closed)

Photoshop
How's about making the photoshop NCP file available then :)
(Opanoid Look sweats dripping off them, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 12:35, closed)

workerd for the coaches aswell
National express coaches allowed you to get an eticket and just print of a ticket confirmation page, this can be easily altered with new desitinations and times, just make sure you check its not fully booked or they check them more closely.
(trickyric, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 16:53, closed)