Standard Operating Procedure...
As some of you long suffering B3tards are aware, my posts can go on a bit…

*Waits for unified cry of ‘Oh nooo Pooflake, we don’t mind. The excessive length is a necessary evil due to your particular IDIOM’*

*Hears cock all*

*Keeps waiting*

*Gives up*

Anyhoo, like many of you, I type my rambling crapness onto Word first before pasting it onto B3ta.

The main reason for this is that before I start I can say something to my boss like:

“Today I am going to attempt to rewrite the Standard Operating Procedure for [Insert shoddy activity here]. If we are to be a pro-active company then we must consistently review policy. In order to achieve global standardisation I will do also some web research…blah blah mc-fuck-a blah.”

I then type ‘Standard Operating Procedure’ on the top of my word document before bashing away at my keyboard as it were with my post…stopping every now and again to check B3ta.

I look as if I am working really hard all day. Also, because nobody actually reads or gives a flying pint of hippo spunk about the Standard Operating procedures, all I have to do at the end of the day is dig up a really old one and change the name of the Author before handing it in. Alternatively, I can blag: “After intensive review and only minor editing, I have concluded that the S.O.P was fine the way it was”.

My boss thinks that I am a conscientious, hard working go-getter. They’re lucky to have me aren’t they?

It’s the perfect crime...nearly

Now all I’ve got to do is stop myself from bursting out laughing when I read B3ta and I’ll have it sorted.

Any suggestions??
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:44, 7 replies)

read my posts
should be enough to stop anyone laughing :)
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 8:52, closed)

Turn it on the text you are pretending to write
as in,

"I cant believe it's so simple!"

or

"It was so obvious all along!"

kind of thing.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:02, closed)

It's 'idiom'
Idiut.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:23, closed)

^^ouch!

Duly edited.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:37, closed)

*removes grammar/spelling Nazi costume*
My work here is done.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 9:54, closed)

I hate pointless documentation
99% of the time, especially in this auditable, compliance driven, ISO9000 world, documents are written, then never looked at again until it's time to review them a year (or if you're especially lucky/keen/anal, less) later.

I understand why they're needed - we need to make sure people do things consitently and legally, and make sure all the right records are kept. But my god, the number of people and time that's needed to create and maintain these things is just incredible.

Also, it gives credence to the type of people who DO enjoy these sorts of things such as Quality assurance managers and internal auditors.

Bah. Serious lack of funnehs, but I just wanted to vent.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 10:02, closed)

How to stop laughing...
Gag yourself on a magenta cock. A fake one mind.
( gareth_alien will be human again at, Fri 11 Jul 2008, 13:17, closed)