Oooh, the french


Ok, where to start?

Yes, we share common ancestry (Norman) with some parts of France, but remember that France as we know it is not really older than about 500 years (until that point you still had different languages: Occitan, Breton, etc), so whilst Richard the Lionheart was Breton, there was more bad blood between the rival states of "France" than you might imagine - that's without getting into the Catholic/Protestant thing, or the parts of the country that wanted to move the popehood from Rome to Paris, etc.

Also, France haven't won a battle since Napoleon was forced from the Spanish Peninsular, yet have a habit of strutting round the world like they own the place. This gets up the nose of the average Brit whose grandad can remember marching down the Champs Elysee in '44. Oh, and let's not forget that the French "Resistance" was vastly outnumbered by the Collaborators. Yes, lots of slappers had shaved heads after Fritz was sent packing, but most of that finger pointing was done to assuage the guilt of those doing the accusing.

Who decided that the French were stylish? The French of course! Smoke a Gaulouise, drive a crpapy citroen badly and be miserable over here and you're a wanker, but in Paris? Ah, C'est Formidable! Suddenly, you're a gallic style icon. Throw in a black polo neck and you're up there with Jesus himself! Let's look at it objectively - all the nice old buildings have been left to rot, but the peasants living in them call it "shabby chic" or "rustic" and pretentious wankers believe it. Paris smells of dog crap, too - no joke. In fact, everything in France that is vaguely impressive is at least 200 years old. And, in the case of the Eiffel Tower and the Milau bridge, designed by the English.

We English might lose at sport a lot, but we do it with grace - you don't see Henman screaming and headbutting people. The French are not only bad losers (see Zidane's glasgow kiss for evidence), but also highly arrogant winners. There is no grace or acknowledgement of the other team/opponent. If they are losing they point the finger and argue, if they win, it's because they are marvellous.

They bang on about the invasion of US and English films and music and enforce quotas by law so that French "culture" can be seen as equal or superior in the French market. The reason French kids want to listen to US and English music is because the French stuff is shit - not because we are trying to invade your culture, you garlic-munching surrender monkeys! You get the Beatles, the Stones, Rock n Roll, Hip Hop, and god knows what else. What do you give back? Jean Michel Jarre and a whole raft of sub-Eurotrash technopop. Oh, and Vanessa bloody Paradis. Who, whilst being eminently shaggable, is plainly tone-deaf.

Let's face it, the only reason there are tree lined roads in France is so that the German Army don't get sunburned. Gah.



God that feels better. lol
(Chad, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 17:01, Reply)