“Faye received your birthday gift this morning… It isn’t appropriate…”
said my brother-in-law on the phone this lunchtime.

“What?” I respond, somewhat hurt. “She loves these movies!”

Kevin, my brother-in-law, puts on his best secondary school teacher voice (because that’s what he does for a living), “No. I mean, yes… She may like the movies but… The Alien Quadrilogy?”

“Yeah…”

“Have you forgotten that she’s eight months pregnant with our first child!” -CLICK!!!-

(I can feel a family feud brewing between me and that boy, I really can).
( SpankyHanky, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 13:15, 10 replies)

Your sister, right?
Tell him to stick it up his arse and to fuck off while he's doing so.

The only people that get to tell me how to behave towards my sisters are my parents. Well - now we're all in our 30s - also my sisters, but whether I take any notice of them depends on the situation.

But if one of their husbands tried to I would laugh openly in their face.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 13:42, closed)

Think my dear bro-in-law
is jealous of the fact that he can't give my sis multiple orgasms and I can... OK, that's not true...

But he is a bit of a prudish teacher type who likes addressing adults in the same tone of voice he does his class. Bit of a prick, really. And he's from Haywards Heath - case, as they say, well and truly closed. (Doesn't like the fact I'm a bit common on account of coming from the Midlands - weird, really: My sister's from Coventry too).
( SpankyHanky, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 13:52, closed)

Fuck him up good.
Send them copies of Rosemary's Baby and Demon Seed. That'll larn 'em.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:32, closed)

Also
Eraserhead.
(St Sepulchre's Belle tolled for thee on, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:42, closed)

Or I could just find some medical photos of a bleeding, ravaged, torn post-birth vag
and post them to him...
( SpankyHanky, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:44, closed)

Nah.
Send him pictures of a prolapsed vagina. That should give him nightmares for years.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Mon 16 Nov 2009, 16:45, closed)

A copy of Chumbawamba's 'Anarchy' album should do it then...

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:27, closed)

The Omen
For when junior is a little older?
(Sir Tainley Barking Ezekiel 23:20, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 18:47, closed)

I like it...
...and am hatching an elaborate plan for Spanky to disguise in scrubs at the birth, take the baby to wash and draw a 666 birthmark on in brown felt tip when no ones looking. Careful though - I hear they have soft skulls.
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 16:16, closed)

sounds like a new-age wanker to me
tell him to get fucked. if your sis doesn't back you up, she's obviously picked the right bloke for her.
i really hope she backs you up.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 22:49, closed)