Proper filth
A few years ago when, like all young men of early twenties, I would spend my weekends getting wankered then try to cop off with like minded females.
A regular tryst was with a lady of indeterminate age who as luck would have it had her own flat. She and I would retire to her flat after chucking out time and get down to some dirty sweaty shagging.
After a few weeks of this, once trust had been established that neither one of us was a repressed serial killer, things started to get adventurous and she let slip that she would never do anal but she loved a finger up there during doggy style.
To my young ears this news was immense and again, after a few weeks things proceed from my finger to one of them small lady finger vibrators.
So there we were, two sweaty, pissed up twenty somethings hammering away like there was no tomorrow when all of a sudden I lost my grip on the lady finger and up it slipped all the way into her poop chute.
I started panicking, imagining a quick trip to Medway A&E, however she was cool as cucumber, pushed me off rolled over onto her back and shat out the vibrator.
And I really do mean shat out as the lady finger was lubricated on exit.
As for the rest of the night, she washed her herself and we carried on shagging.
Wasn't until I sobered up two days later that the reality of the situation struck home.
And i laughed like a jackal on crack, still brings a smile to my face now.
(Hammy1801 may have scabies!, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 17:59, 4 replies)

There's a good reason why butt plugs have flanged bases.
You dirty fucker.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 19:25, closed)

When in the heat of the moment.
Gotta use whats at hand, carrots/parsnips make good butt plugs however this takes a degree of fore thought. (Might as well buy a butt plug)
(Hammy1801 may have scabies!, Fri 3 Feb 2012, 23:04, closed)

I like the idea of organic butt plugs,
that can be reused as an accompaniment to the Sunday roast.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 4 Feb 2012, 20:33, closed)

No different to washing the organic fertiliser (code for "shit") off a carrot from a farmers' market
Or indeed from a supermarket, given that they get washed before Tescopoli put them into the plastic bags.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 6 Feb 2012, 13:48, closed)