Mmmm..salty...
An ex of mine was rather proud of this one:

Whilst working his sizeable ass off in a well known, and apparently high class restaurant in Denver, long, hot shifts lasting 13 hours plus were not unusual. On one such arduous day, said ex was as usual the last one out, had just shut down the sizeable kitchen, and sat hisself down at the bar for the first of many strong drinks. All done..knackered, and ready to get wasted.

His manager interupts his quiet contemplation, insisting he must return to the kitchen, and cook more food. f*** that says ex..but the manager insists. Why? Because members of a well known and very popular boy band had entered the establishment, and demanded nourishment.

Ex duly returns to huge kitchen, where he has to single handedly set up everything (I understand that this took some time) to prepare their order. What did these evil little purveyors of sheer crapness request? One of eveything on the ample menu. Bunch of twunts.

Fellas will understand the next part..imagine you've been slaving away in a very hot kitchen for 13 hours, running around and working hard. Imagine that your dimensions are also rather large (ok ok, you're a fat, sweaty f***er at the best of times, but after a day of work, you just aint fragrant). Now imagine what "weather conditions" such as humidity would be like in your nether regions. You can see where I'm going with this one..

Ex dutifully and lovingly prepared a feast unlike any other for satans little hellspawn, and with each piece of meat, indeed each element of every dish, gleefully wipes away the days bollock-dew...

After serving this cornucopia of gastronomic delights, he went to see how the lads found their meal. All of them rated it top notch tucker, and advised him it was delicious.

I am sure that he is not the only person who can say that the Back Street Boys ate his ball-sweat (and loved it), but maybe the only person who can claim such a feat in this context. Not that they're gay or anything...

Never piss off a fat chef, eh kids?
(Carmen Dyslexia, Fri 19 Sep 2008, 18:13, Reply)