I had a nasty vehemently anti-social druggy benefit cheating chav move in next door to me in a shared house, and we shared a kitchen,
he would constantly keep nicking my food when he was off his tits on drugs and booze and then accusing me of eating his 'cos he had no memory of eating any of it, drove me feckin nuts. Also he as an utter utter cunt in every way he could think of and proud of it, including threats against my person, he made my life hell and eventually forced me to move out.

Anyway, before I had the idea to get my own fridge locked in my room, I would placate myself by always leaving one item out of every pack of foodstuffs I bought, or just the last of something, just for him, after having done something horrible to it, these included:

Spunking in a pasty.

Inserting a cooked sausage where the sun don't shine.

Pissing in the last of the milk.

Re-packaging laxative chocolate.

And my personal favourite, crushing some dodgy Es I had been given into some bottled beer along with a viagra, which caused him to wobble about the house in varying states of arousal for about 6 hours in just a T-shirt and boxers, knocking on everyone's doors telling them how he was really really horny and sexy and everybody wanted his babies, hint hint, before spectacularly throwing up on his own bed.

He really was an utter fuckwit oxygen thief tho and the repugnant greasy cunt bubble deserved all of it and more, I can assure you.
( ..wil, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:17, 7 replies)

ok, ok
settle down!
have a click as a reward
....
wait a sec, where EXACTLY did you insert that sausage?
( Zhmei HEY B3TA I WAS ON YOUR DINGY ISLAND AT LAST!1!, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:31, closed)

Well the human male only has 2 orifices,
and it wasn't my mouth...
( ..wil, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 20:53, closed)

.
Your Ears?
(Sco smokes crack often., Sat 20 Sep 2008, 21:00, closed)

Aural sex?

( ..wil, Sat 20 Sep 2008, 21:32, closed)

Yes Please.

(Sco smokes crack often., Mon 22 Sep 2008, 20:55, closed)

Cripes!
But what if you'd accidentally 'pinched off' when the sausage was inserted?

;)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 14:23, closed)

I'd have retrieved it from my next visit to the loo, wiped it a bit,
and THEN put it in the fridge.
( ..wil, Wed 24 Sep 2008, 19:09, closed)