Going Too FarEver had one of your mates go too far? Back when I was a teenager I went to stay with a friend in the country. We took his dog for a walk in some woods - which was fun.
We came across a breeding pen for the local pheasant shoot - which was interesting.
But then my friend broke into the cages, grabbed a pheasant, strangled it and proceeded to throw it around, only managing to rescue it from his dog's jaws seconds before a gamekeeper turned up to see what the hell was going on. Now, that was a bit too far...
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chthonic, Fri 10 Nov 2006, 14:11)
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Filthy hashersWay back at university I used to play accordion in a ceilidh band called Batter the Haddock. Among our drinking dens was a pub called the St Wadegund - well, ok, Radegund, but the landlord (a really fat bloke called Terry with a penchant for 'grain spirit') couldn't really pronounce his Rs.
Tewwy was a leading light in the Hash House Harriers. The 'Hashers' are an amateur running club which started in Singapore in WWII, or something. They're now a multinational fellowship with an endearing sense of bonhomie and a delightful, irreverent nature.
Except for Tewwy's bunch in Cambridge, who are a bunch of filthy feckers.
The Hashers were having an awayday somewhere in the Northamptonshire countryside, and asked us to come along to provide musical entertainment. For some reason (probably the influence of the gwain spiwit) we agreed. So the next Sunday, we trooped up to the station at about 9am for a journey on their fun bus to the middle of nowhere.
The singing started on the bus, led by a really fat 40-something woman in appalling leggings with holes in unfortunate places. None of the songs were very polite. Most of them had a chorus of "Down down down down down down" etc. (You can read a few of them at the Hash House Hymnal webpage.)
From this you will guess that our ultimate destination was, in fact, a pub, and the brief run (which we declined to join) was followed by an all-day drinking session.
One of the songs was "Yogi Bear", a particularly obscene saga about a bunch of cartoon bears and their sexual preferences. ("I know a bear that you don't know / Yogi, Yogi / I know a bear that you don't know / Yogi, Yogi Bear"; "Suzie she has great big tits / Suzie, Suzie / Suzie she has great big tits / Suzie, Suzie Bear" and so on.) This went on for about 15 minutes, all the while accompanied by our matchless musical accompaniment.
Yogi Bear went down so well that we thought we should probably follow up with our own, improvised version to the same tune.
"Tewwy takes it up the arse,
Tewwy, Tewwy,
Tewwy takes it up the arse,
Tewwy and his bus.
"Tewwy and his bus! Tewwy and his bus.
Tewwy takes it up the arse, Tewwy and his bus.
At this point the Hashers were looking a bit uneasy, but we ploughed on.
"Tewwy's got a girlfriend, Tewwy, Tewwy,
Tewwy's got a girlfriend, she's a big fat bitch.
"She's a big fat bitch! She's a big fat bitch.
Tewwy's got a girlfriend, she's a big fat bitch.
"Tewwy's on the register, Tewwy, Tewwy,
Tewwy's on the register, they know where he lives...."
By now the whole pub had fallen silent and we realised that, even by the standards of the filthiest running club in the entire world, we had gone too far.
Although they did invite us back the next year.
(, Sun 12 Nov 2006, 14:11, Reply)
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