Geeks unite!
Let us peel back the curtains of time a few years to when I was recently divorced, living by myself in an apartment and feeling quite lonely.

I've never been good at chatting up girls in bars- in fact, I think there have been maybe two girls who I've gone home with that way- so I spent a lot of time alone and unhappy. Picture it for a moment- I was 41, working the night shift in a semiconductor plant, living in a two bedroom apartment that was occasionally also inhabited by my kids (one night a week and alternate weekends), without a lot of money or opportunity to get out, and when I did go out I never had anything resembling luck.

So I did what any desperate sort would do- I set up a profile on match.com and started sending "winks" at the pretty ones.

I found out pretty quickly that women don't respond when men "wink" at them, or when they get messages. Of course not- that would make too much fucking sense, wouldn't it? Gah.

On the other hand, I was starting to get messages from women.

Some of them were obvious no-goes off the bat- one listed her enthusiasms as NASCAR and monster trucks, for instance, and anyone who said they were a nurse was immediately rejected- but there were a few who seemed pretty and pleasant enough. I mean, you're not going to find Elle MacPhearson on there, but you'll certainly find something other than mingers and munters if you look a while. So I chatted them up on there a fair bit, and started meeting them in person for drinks.

One girl in particular struck me as being funny and interesting. She was four months younger than me, very curvy (okay, a bit chubby, but she carried it well), reddish-blonde hair, wore rectangular hipster glasses, had a dry sense of humor, and liked a lot of the same music and movies that I did. We met for drinks, and she ordered a half and half- which is one of my preferred drinks if I can find a place that has both Harp and Guinness on tap. We got on well, so I invited her back to my place for dinner.

I cooked a stir fry and gave her a decent beer from my fridge, and we had a very nice meal together. She spied my scotch bottle and asked if she could have a bit. Woo! I thought, and grabbed the whisky tumblers.

We went to the living room and she spotted my guitars and asked what I played. I took one down and played something- god knows what- but then I followed it with "Poisoning Pigeons In The Park" and "Pollution". She grinned like a thief and commented that she had never heard anyone play Tom Lehrer on a 12 string before, then kissed me.

We lay there letting the sweat dry as we caught our breath, and I ran my hand over her soft pale skin, caressing her curves before I gently swept a stray hair back from her face. She smiled sleepily at me. "I don't normally do this, you know."

"I kind of figured that. I'm glad you did, though. What made you decide to sleep with me?"

She grinned. "You played Tom Lehrer for me. Any man who can do that has to be worth getting to know."

And there you have it. I got laid because of Tom Lehrer's music. I doubt that even he could claim that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:43, 6 replies)

A good one would have been
I got it from Agnes.
( Brandy_Bumwinkle, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:46, closed)

Heheheheh.
I don't own a recording of that, sadly. Wish I did, as it's a great one...

And yes, I probably would have played it for her with a big evil grin.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:58, closed)

I
still think that you're an American version of me - without the style of course.

Two of my all time favs are Tom Lehrer -

Vatican Rag:

"First you get down on your knees
Fiddle with your Rosaries
Bow your head with great respect and...
GENUFLECT,GENUFLECT,GENUFLECT

I was seeing a convent girl at the time..

The other is Masochist Tango....


Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 14:34, closed)

The parallels
are certainly striking, aren't they? Maybe it's best that we not meet lest there be some sort of explosion, a la "The Alternative Factor".

Aw hell, I'm willing to take the risk. If we ever get the chance to meet, first pint is on me.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 29 Aug 2008, 14:47, closed)

Ah, the Masochism Tango
many nights at uni we'd roll back to the house hammered, Seb would sit at the piano and play the tune while we both belted out the words.

if only we'd taken that show on the road we'd have been waist deep in pussy

(that sounds horrible)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 15:29, closed)

I think I'm tired...
I read that as "I've never been good at chatting up girls in bras"
( e.m.m.y. foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india tango, Thu 4 Sep 2008, 10:54, closed)