Guilty SecretsWe were shocked - nay, disgusted - to read on an internet discussion forum of a chap's confession that his darkest, guiltiest secret was that he recently cracked one out over press photos of tragic MILF Kate McCann. He reasoned that "she's a good Catholic girl and looks dirty, so she'd probably go bareback".
What guilty secrets can you no longer keep to yourself?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Fri 31 Aug 2007, 12:22)
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Apologies if you were there.Picture the scene if you will. Club UK circa ’94. All pilled up and having a wicked time hugging randoms and dancing like a ‘tard. I get the familiar rumblings down below and realise I’ve got to do my e-shit. No worries, well used to this I toddle off to the bathroom blowing kisses at grown men and generally loving everything and everyone…
Until I get to the toilet. There’s no fucking toilet paper. I’m well past the point of no return so I just have to go for it. I’d been in Indonesia a couple of months earlier and had stayed in some places sans toilet paper and had got used to wiping my arse with my left hand – the things is you’re using the squat toilets there which makes the whole thing so much cleaner. I decide the best thing to do is try and emulate the shitting experience of the squat toilet and stand up on the bowl.
I do my thing and then wipe my arse with my hand – not pleasant but, hey, what would you have done when the alternative was shit your pants? Anyway, it all washes off – it’s not like my hands are made of cloth. The only problem was… the super tight cunts at Club UK used to turn the water off to stop cheap skates like me drinking from the bathroom taps. Oh dear. I’ve got a fair amount of shit on my hands and no way of washing it off.
Didn’t stop me going around hugging people, giving back massages and generally being a great guy.
(, Thu 6 Sep 2007, 4:57, Reply)
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