When I think about you
Last week I introduced my mother to the joys of SingStar. I explained to her how to sing along to any of the cheesey tracks she so desired. She wailed Barbie Girl with great gusto, then grabbed the box to find out what other songs were available for her to slaughter.

"I Touch Myself?" she asked. "What kind of a song is I Touch Myself?"

I launched enthusiastically into the chorus before trailing off as she stared wide-eyed at me.

"But... who would actually do THAT?" she asked, aghast.

I'm going to hell because I can tell thousands and thousands of people on the Interweb all about touching myself, but when my ma asked me a question about masturbation I denied all knowledge of such an activity. Perhaps honouring your father and mother means never saying you've been stroking your mimsy.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:08, 8 replies)

Mimsies are great
and should be stroked.

Had mine for two years now and love playing with it...



Clicked for lying to your Mum.
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:37, closed)

Are you telling me your poor mother has never touched herself.
*saddens*


I don't touch myself btw. I have a man that comes in twice a week to do it for me.
( girlinthehole, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 10:51, closed)

How much is he paid?
*Applies for job*
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 15 Dec 2008, 12:07, closed)

I touched myself in the shower this morning
How else am I going to stay clean?
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:10, closed)

mmm...
My mom obviously touches herself and I shudder when I think about it. She once asked me if I knew what tiger balm was. She's into massage and aromatherapy stuff so I was expecting a use for it related to that. But no! Not my mum. She said, and I quote, "You should rub it on your girlfriends clit. It feels really nice".
Thanks mum for your sex tips. You're a life saver.

PS - the GF at the time said no. I can't think why??
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:10, closed)

tiger balm burns!
And not in a good way.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:18, closed)

*Imagines mortified Irish Mammy*
I'd have loved to have been a fly on the wall. Pure comedy gold.

*er I mean fly on the wall watching Irish Mammy cringe at singing daughter, not Irish Mammy and Tiger Balm*
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 15 Dec 2008, 11:19, closed)

My mother told me about the horrible sores people caught
all over their faces from 'touching themselves down there.'

I didn't believe her and still can't understand why anyone'd tell a little kid that.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Mon 15 Dec 2008, 16:54, closed)