Zealot
In my first ever management job I had the misfortune to manage an IT support team. Most of them were fine but one was a fat, sweaty, French Linux zealot.

And I mean zealot. He hated being asked to install windows machines for new users. It took me a little while to discover that if forced to do so he would remove all the MS-Licensed programs and replace them with Open-source variants like swapping MS-Office for OpenOffice. It took me a while to understand why it was that people in the office were having such file compatibility problems.

We all had to work with him in a small office. And he stank. Even in the winter he stank. It was clear he rarely washed and to make things worse he'd wear a sweater religious, even in the height of summer. People wouldn't have him out on support calls because they didn't want him near them. When I challenged him about this would shrug and say "I'm a big guy. I sweat". And that was all.

He wouldn't do what he was asked, and sulked terribly. There's no great denouement to this tale but eventually he left. And when he told me I actually did a little dance for joy, right there in front of him.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:03, 2 replies)

Make him Australian, and
I worked with that guy. He stank. All year around. He was huge. He always wore a knitted jumper, no matter the weather. He was obnoxious. He was always right (in his own mind). He was obese. He was an audible breather. He sulked when a manager overrode his decisions. He would have the odd tantrum over ridiculous stuff and spit as he foamed at the mouth.

This guy would also sneak up behind you and act surprised when you realised he was there because you could SMELL HIM. Sadly I didn't tell him it was because I could smell him. He received flowers at work, insisting he had a girlfriend who lived in America and she had them delivered to his work address, rather than his home. Eventually he left and apparently moved to the US, so perhaps he truly did have a girlfriend there - or not. (I suspect the flowers were bought at the local gas station - no one would pay to have 6 carnations delivered unless they were expecting to have said carnations roughly inserted into the eye of their penis).

Did I mention he was ugly?

And I really hated him too.

I am so glad you did a little dance.
(Dog Bum Cute, wiggly, has scary anal glands, Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:15, closed)

Thanks
It does the soul good to share pain.

This guy actually did have a girlfriend who - amazingly - was every bit as fat, ugly, sweaty and open-source obsessed as he was. The rest of the team & I used to wonder what they did at home: we assumed they sat in different rooms and chatted on IRC.

But at least I didn't have to be her line manager.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:30, closed)