I feel your pain
Had that happen before, though not all from the same person. Ended up buying my own pans (nice set, worth a few bob) and yet whenever I wanted to cook they were crusted in all kinds of nasty funk and scratched to buggery. Ended up having to bin them after a year. To get them used to washing pans before cooking just needs a little encouragment; after washing, lightly wipe the inside of the pan with washing up liquid and don't rinse it off. Whenever she washes up after she cooks, reinforce this good behaviour by not sabotaging pans. Unfortunately, I never got around to testing this as I moved elsewhere after that year.

Get some coloured shower gel (lynx or somesuch) and add food colouring to it. It should stop her in her thieving little tracks after the first time.

As for the sex, you always have the option of recording it and then playing it back to her at an oppertune moment, or using as a soundtrack to a youtube video of otherwise unsmutty content.
(Manbearpig is wearing a rabbitskin jacket and bunny ears, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:55, 1 reply)

Haha
Got some good ideas there. I'm definitely gonna do the shower-gel/food colouring one, and the recording the noises of sex one once I've gotten my microphone working on this computer.
(Ghost Atreides enjoying incontestable health benefits on, Sun 22 Feb 2009, 16:59, closed)