nettle twitcher
as a boy of perhaps 13, my younger bro and i did that needling, niggling aggravation that is the usual result of a 3 yr age gap, especially when the eldest (me) is a smug bastard, always rubbing it in about late bedtimes, going into town alone etc... i used to wind him up into mad-eyed spittle-flying squawking rages, merely by singing a little song about him being but a wee baby and me being a groovy dude... one fine holiday afternon in yorkshire, we were traipsing along behind the parents, me winding him up until the inevitable happened and he snapped, launching his puny 10 year old body at me, him wearing nothing but shorts. As he ran at me, i sidestepped him, and grabbed at him - managed to get a wrist and the opposite knee, and using his inertia, managed to lift him over my head, inna wrestling style (and i mean mick mc manus and kendo nagasaki 70s wrestling, watched by psychotic pensioners across the land..) and flung him into a grassy mound next to us. What i'd failed to realise (although i bet i'd have still done it if i'd known) that the grass was, in fact, a giant clump of evil stinging nettles - so ripe the venom was dripping off the tips, and i could hear their vile clorophyll laughter... imagine! a 10 year old in thin shorts landing from about 6 foot up, horizontally onto his back in BIG nettles! it looked like he'd been eleoctrocuted, the only parts of him touching the ground at one point were the back of his head and his heels, and due to the winding from the fall, he coulnd'nt scream.... as he was flailing and flapping, with some particularly appaling noises coming from his stunned lungs, the parents turned round.... to see me, elder brother, gamely leaping into the nettles to save brother... shouting to them that he must have slipped on the verge (no big deal to me, i was 13 and in jeans..)
dragged him out (he still couldn't speak) and he got comforted then told off for being clumsy!!!

a friend is a chef - his parents own a restauraunt, in which he'd do odd shifts to help out. one afternoon, his tomato-adoring brother came in, and ordered a steak with grilled tomatoes. so my chum injected a huge tomato with a whole bottle of tabasco, knowing that brother would scoff it first.... he didnt even pick up a knife and fork, when the plate was served he just popped the little red bundle of horror into his mouth and bit down....
apprently he had trouble tasting his steak.

ithankyou.
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Fri 19 Aug 2005, 12:56, Reply)