Err
This has just struck me.

One of the things I hate most in life is fucking Karaoke. I despise it. It makes me cringe. I'd happily wipe every Karaoke Bar of the face of the planet if I was God.

But guess what I'm doing now?

I'm coding a fucking Karaoke Web Site.

Someone up there has a really fucked-up sense of humour.

But while I'm on about Karaoke I better tell you about the one time I did enjoy it.

It was my old local, The Sun Inn in Alnmouth (which I once owned but that's a completely different story), and they had a Karaoke session one night. And the village idiot decided to enter.

Some rotten bastard (I'm looking at you BarBitch) persuaded him to sing Bohemian Rhapsody and, by God, he murdered it.

He was so out of tune, just hitting the notes in passing, that it was one of the funniest things I've seen, ever.

The bloke next to me at the bar was a tourist and he was banging his head off the bar with tears streaming down his face crying:

"Make him stop,make him stop - he's killing me..."

Andrew, the idiot, didn't entirely get the idea of Karaoke as when the words "GUITAR SOLO or DRUM SOLO" he'd gleefully shout these out as well.


Seriously, if you're ever in that part of the world, drop into the Sun on the off-chance that there'll be Karaoke and Andrew will be singing. You won't regret it.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 1:36, 12 replies)

Alnmouth
OMG, your a geordie
(polar69, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 6:08, closed)

I know a bloke...
Called 'Cartwright' and he is a karaoke legend round our way in the same way in Andrew. When his name is announced, everybody cheers, then grabs piles of beer mats to chuck at him...

His star turn is 'Footloose', done in a tone deaf, pull-you-own-ears-off fashion. He doesn't really know any of the lyrics or how they fit in the song, and he doesn't read the screen, he just bellows the word 'Footloose' over and over and over again.....

He even has a dance routine for the love of hairy bollocks!

But we ensured the suffering was not just limited to our pub. It was chosen as the venue for a national karaoke competition heat...and every local voted for him....getting him to the final...where he promptly made an uber pillock out of himself...

good times
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 25 Feb 2008, 8:58, closed)

Oh Christ....
I remember Andrew. He was one of my clients when I was a Jobcentre monkey... It's fair to say he was a 'bit special'.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 25 Feb 2008, 10:22, closed)

Yup, I despise Karaoke
I once spent a week in Zante, and each night every sodding bar seemed to be Karaoke night. There's only so many times you can hear "Angels" before you flip out and kill people in an ouzo fuelled rage.
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 11:05, closed)

I swear
as I read this I was listening to Sweet Caroline....

roflmao
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 13:21, closed)

Ah the special joys of Karaokes
I think you've got the measure of them.

Whenever anyone says they're awful and can't understand how anyone could like them, I wonder, are these the same people who can't watch Eurovision because the music is shit and we never win, or perhaps love Team America World Police because it kicks arab ass? Maybe you loved Borat 'cos he got to say the stuff people tell you off for thinking, just like Ali G before him, whom you spent your childhood aping, but went off him when there was too much gay stuff in the movie.

Do you laugh in all the wrong places unless there's a laugh track, sarcasm confuses you, and you think irony and satire are words other people use to sound clever? *stirring music* Well furrow your brow no longer, come to middle America, where everyone watches FOX!

*may be being very sarcastic*

Andrew sounds a real star BTW, have you thought of entering him for a reality show singing audition? Too cruel? Hey, he'd enjoy it and it beats working in a chicken factory!
( ..wil, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 15:30, closed)

but, but, but...
Karaokes are awful and I can't understand how anyone could like them.

Seriously though, 'tis true. Karaoke is fucking torture. It makes me wince. Literally. And I genuinely don't understand how anyone could like it. Would you enjoy a gig if the band didn't know how to play their instruments?
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 16:14, closed)

Andrew, Andrew, Andrew...
Andrew is, erm, how can we say this – a ‘unique’ character. Extremely well spoken, well mannered but also extremely loud and, in a nutshell, numerous items of cutlery short of a full canteen. Pity me, the poor bugger who had to interview him every fortnight as a New Deal adviser, where each and every time I would have to explain the rules and regulations to him as he single-handedly failed to grasp the concept that to qualify for money, you actually had to be looking for a job and not painting your mum’s shed or mowing her lawn.

When he turned up (long after I’d left the job) in the pub one night when I was out with Legless, I froze in horror and mentally pleaded for him not to engage me in conversation. Fortunately he didn’t recognise me (actually, I don’t think he’d recognise himself in a mirror). You could, I suppose, call him ‘harmless’…
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 25 Feb 2008, 16:29, closed)

Brings back memories!
Some c*nt of an ex boyfriend pursuaded me to sing Bohemian Rhapsody at a small local pub in Bradford on a Tuesday afternoon. I was only 18 at the time and had drank about 8 JD's and as many pints. I'm a totally crap singer at the best of times. The DJ was cringing and my ex boyf was in hysterics. We left the pub shortly after.
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Mon 25 Feb 2008, 17:13, closed)

Pub
Tell us about owning the pub!
(Dr Funkenstein - back in the civilised world, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 1:39, closed)

The Sun
Please bring back smoking (and the quizzie) - it smells too clean in there now and i'm forced to speak to people. oh and visitors to alnmouth would do well to stick to the roads - this even applies now legless lives in sunderland
(i anglepoise, Tue 26 Feb 2008, 15:34, closed)

^^
If you're who I think you are... I hope all is well in the world with you, fella.

DG
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 26 Feb 2008, 16:04, closed)