Bird on the phone...
T’was a night in our local about 10 years ago.

Mobile phones had just become common place and were starting to become slimmer and everyone was enjoying ‘Snake’ on their little LCD screens.

This story is pre ’Fraping’. When practical jokes on mobile phones were still in their infancy. This was a good night to be inventive.

My friend Tom was gloating to the group in the pub about meeting a ‘bird’ the night before and how he’d spent the night texting her flirty messages. But he got the impression she wasn’t that keen as he hadn’t heard off her this day. It was getting boring now and no one was really paying that much attention.

Tom toddles off for a piss making that one mistake everyone learnt not to make. Leaving his phone on the table. Quick as a flash we grabbed his phone and got the name of one of the lads in the group (Jim) on his phone and changed his name to the ‘lady’ my mate had been texting.

Jim, then got his phone and sent a tacky flirty text to Tom. Sure enough Tom comes back from the toilet and notices a text on his phone. “Its from her” he cries… “happy days”. “Check this out lads – she’s called me Sexy – what should I send back?”

As a group we offer advice that its best to be cheeky rather than smutty. He compiles his message and hits the send button. Jim’s phone pings into life as the text is received. He has a good read and then (sitting no more than 2 feet away from him) writes a saucy little number in less than 140 characters.. along the lines of ‘Hey there Fancy Pants – why not meet up this week and we’ll see what happens?’

Beep! – “She’s sent a reply” – “She’s called me Fancy Pants – I’m in here!!! Have a look” – Tom passes the phone around and we all read what we already knew had been sent.

This went on until last orders.. Its really hard to keep a straight face when your sat in-between the person who is receiving texts and the person who is sending them. Yet still Tom was so focussed on this new bird, he never even clicked that every time he sent a message, Jim’s phone would ping into life…

It was coming to a head and we had to end it so we did what anyone else would have done. We rang him – whilst facing him. I had the phone to my ear, his phone is ringing with this girl’s name on his display. “Its her, Its her – what should I say?” – ‘Just answer it and find out.’ We say.

He answers – I say ‘Hello Tom’
He looks at me… Cogs ticking away in his head - not quite being able to deal with a male voice.
I say ‘Tom – its Pat’
He pulls the phone away from his ear – with an ‘is that you?’ look on his face….
I look back at him with a slight grin….

At this point the very realisation dawns on him that he has spent the last 4 hours flirting with a table of lads and making sexy small talk.

Hook Line and sinker

He was gutted but at the same time, realised he had been stitched up and took it quite well.

I still have his name on my phone as ‘Fancy Pants’.
(Pat mustard, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 13:48, 1 reply)

Tom is called Ed in para 5
I'm beginning to suspect these aren't real names.
(leviticus no longer likes the cut of your gib on, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:09, closed)

^ see he's having you over now the cad ^
*golf claps*
(Cov Boy, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:13, closed)

Correct...
(Pat mustard, Thu 12 Jan 2012, 14:21, closed)