I don't and never have sent mix tapes
Instead I send homemade porn...well (calm down at the back there!) the written variety.

Sometimes it's not openly porn, but rather a little more literary (as I am rather pretentious at the best of times).

Here's a short selection of a bit I sent to a variety of male friends for their opinions....



********

I smell the peaches I bought earlier. I take a clean sharp knife and press it into the delicate furred skin; it yields easily and a clear pearl of juice runs down the curved face of the fruit. I can feel the hard knotted centre; I run the blade around this until I have parted all the flesh. I gently pull one half of the warm peach away from the stone, juice running down my hand and onto my wrist; I lick it away and sink my teeth into the fruit, eyes closed.


*******

That's as near as I get to mix tapes.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:37, 13 replies)

Jesus
a hard-on from a peach?
That's a first, congrats ;)
( TY&GN, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:39, closed)

mmm...

*Has strange desire to rub manly bits against fuzzy fruity goodness*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:41, closed)

$1
I'd buy that for a dollar :)
(JasperSinister is offering two tickets to the gun show, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:42, closed)

You should see what I write about cucumbers!
Teehee!
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:42, closed)

Aha!
An interesting game is to get some stories onto cliterati and then get your mates to work out which ones you wrote.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:42, closed)

Cliterati
Now there's a website...

The ideal mix tape to La Poulet Madame's most recent eroti(que)c scribblings would consist of Lil Louis "French Kiss" on loop.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:43, closed)

It hasn't take us long
has it?
To bring down the tone to the gutter level....


Bring on the scat stories - things can only go lower.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:48, closed)

Sod being all highbrow and intellectual
and get round my gaff instead.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 7 Feb 2008, 16:53, closed)

Wow
Dunno about you but I'M moist!!


"click"
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 17:00, closed)

...
This is not just porn......

This is M&S porn.
(Mr. Fahrenheit Can reach naught to fuck you in 8.36 seconds, Thu 7 Feb 2008, 18:45, closed)

Nigella?
Is that you?
(osok Rebel without a clue, Fri 8 Feb 2008, 10:25, closed)

very good!
that was the porn-iest non-porn I have ever read!

going to have to bookmark this story and buy some peaches....hehe
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Sat 9 Feb 2008, 3:22, closed)

Receipt porn
In the pub my friends and I are sometimes at a loss for conversation. To pass some time, we got the barman to print out a couple of receipts we duly and filled them up with porn. The yeoman, being a gentleman and a scholar, judged our efforts and rewarded the winner with a shot.
(I grew it myself, Sun 10 Feb 2008, 5:21, closed)