Just remembered one about my Mum (and Satan)...
...from back when I was a kid. We used to have this greyhound, a stray that some breeder had dumped because it was shit at running. For some reason that escapes me now, we named it Satan.

Whilst there are a few stories about what Satan got up to, (maybe one for a 'Pets do the funniest things' thread at some point...?), it's not about him. My mam was walking Satan by a disused canal by the bottom of the park one evening, basically so she could kick the dogshit into the canal. You'd have to smell this canal to know it didn't make any difference at all to the minginess of it.

Evo-Stik was the drug of choice in that neghbourhood back then and gluies were everywhere you couldn't see easily. As my mum followed the canal to the far corner of the park she spotted two of them bagging away on the bank. My mam can handle herself (she'd been teaching Karate to the local urchins with my stepdad for years even then) and is of the show-no-fear school of dealing with lairy types, so she carried on, meaning to pass them without incident. They clocked her, stashed the bags and one of them got up and stood by the path. "Bollocks", she thought, but the show-no-fear policy drove her on.

As she passed, the one on his feet said something to her, and she tells me that she had to ask him to repeat it because she couldn't believe it. She only told me years later that he said 'Give us your purse, you fucking slag.', only with a slur and serious solvent breath. Before he even finished the sentence the second time she backhanded him and put him on his arse back beside his mate. She was stood there, half-a-stance on, hoping that Satan would finally prove useful for something if things got really nasty.

Satan's canine fury was never put to the test, however. The lad who tried it on was near to tears screaming 'What the fuck did you do that for?' and his mate was saying 'I fucking told you to just let her walk past, you tit.'

She said 'Don't let me catch you down here again', more out of mum reflex than anything else and then headed straight home. She was shaking for hours.

I only heard about this one, but I've seen her in action once or twice. She dragged some drunken bitch off me at an xmas do once - the girl was trying to get to my then-gf (yeah, that one), who'd been visibly flirting with her fella. Another time she faced up to a very, very, oh-so-very nasty guy who was after my brother's guts in error - that chap is a story in-and-of himself. After that one, which thankfully didn't come to blows, my mam became the only person on the earth that he seemed to regard with any respect.

I love my mam - she's fuckin' nails :D
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Sat 17 Jun 2006, 0:09, Reply)