Bad behaviour, inventive excuse...
Summer 2003, Oxford, a typical student night (in Park End, for those who know it) , £1 a pint, sweat pit, totally over-crowded, etc....

It was a friend of mine's round and he'd been queueing for ages and had got to the bar, only to be ignored by the barman for ages. He really needed to wee. He decided to subtly direct it against the bar, thinking no one would notice...

Of course, though, this was instantly picked up by people around him who reacted with disgust. Almost immediately, a bouncer spots what he's up to, grabs him, and carries him off from the first floor bar down the stairs and outside, peeing away happily all the way.

Hence me and a couple of friends following a laughing drunk's golden stream out of a busy nightclub and having to talk down a wee-covered 18 stone man out of 'taking him off somewhere quiet' and teaching him a lesson.

The excuse we used? This was the week Marc Vivien-Foe died, and my mate being African-born and looking 'footballer-ish' in terms of slightly dodgy bling-ish dress sense, we persuaded the Bouncers that he was Marc's cousin who was over in the UK having trials with lower-division teams.

He'd just heard the news and unfortunately it had sent him a bit loopy (plus he wasn't used to drinking much, being an athlete)and my mate who was also from Cameroon (well, he was also black, and they didn't question it, especially when he put on an accent) had invited him to Oxford for the night to come out for a drink and forget about it.

Obligingly, our loose-bladdered companion burst into tears at this point, perhaps realising he was in real danger of a pasting (and covered in wee) and the bouncers not only backed off, but one of them also gave him a pat on the back and commiserated with him.

'Marvellous footballer mate, marvellous... very sorry for you'.

Look, we were students, alright?
(SnowyTheWereRabbit the Leporid from Hell, Wed 8 Apr 2009, 15:02, Reply)